Page 49 of Strange Seduction
I shook my head, still trying to calm down from what just happened. “Just get back to work.”
I hate this.
I missed the days were I could just beat the fuck out of people to make a point without worrying about a lawsuit or bad P.R.
I didn’t go back to my office right away.
I took the long way. Past the studio wing, through the atrium, into the quieter part of the building where the architects liked to sketch by hand, and I silently wished I could join them.
The glass in that part of the space had a different kind of tint—cooler and more industrial in appearance. I could see my reflection as I walked, the faint tightness in my jaw giving me away.
Vincent was right about one thing—Carmendidhave me acting differently.
Not in some soft, romanticized way. In a way that dredged up parts of me I thought I had buried years ago. Every word I’d said in that room with him came from the same place inside me that beat the shit out of Micah. The same reckless part of me that bought the emergency pill for her, like we were still in Eden.
That part of me didn’t know how to sit still when she was involved. It moved fast, protected hard, and didn’t give a fuck about reason. And the truth was, I couldn’t just shut that part off now.
I felt it when I blocked Marcus without telling her, and didn’t say anything about it when she gave her reasoning last night.Honestly, I didn’t even care about whatever case they were working on. She didn’t work for him yet, so Marcus could handle it himself.
See what I mean?
This envious, protective, possessive instinct wasn’t something I could compartmentalize, and I knew that wasn’t sustainable. Not for the version of my life I’d spent years building, and I swore I wanted.
That version had clean lines, rigid boundaries, and didn’t make room for violent outbursts. Or threats. Or complications.
All of which seemed to increase when she was involved.
But she fit that version anyway.
She always would because I’ll always make room for her. And she does the same for me. She chooses me every time.
She knew I could be possessive, and she knew I wanted real things. I couldn’t fault her for wanting out, especially after I reversed the vasectomy without consulting her. But instead of running, she stayed.
I’d be a fool to take that for granted.
Still, I’d be lying if I said that didn’t scare the shit out of me. Because Carmen was serious about us, and she wasn’t reckless.
She didn’t give herself easily, so if she chose to give herself to me, it wasn’t blind faith. And if she was choosingme, I had to be worth it. I had to bebetterthan the man I used to be and find some fucking self-control when she was around.
I was letting my own insecurity turn into something ugly and controlling. I wasn’t sure if who I was becoming could hold her without eventually breaking us.
But I had to try.
I had to stop loving her like I was trying to keep her and start loving her like I trusted she was already mine.
Because she was—and I’d be damned if I lost her to my own fear.
?????
After wandering around my building like a ghost, I finally sat behind my desk, but I didn’t open the laptop. Instead, I stared at the skyline, wondering what Carmen was doing right now.
My phone lit up beside me.
Alyssa.
I exhaled and picked it up. “What?”
“Ew,” she drawled. “What’s with the attitude?”
