Page 158 of Strange Seduction
“Feels like it.”
“Well, it’s not. It’s not the end, just a break.”
Silence stretched between us again. Her fingers trailed through my locs, slow and distracted now, like her mind had gone somewhere else.
Mine had too.
“Can I be honest with you?” I asked, my voice low against her chest.
She stilled. “What’s wrong?”
I pulled back just enough to see her face. “I…I don’t wanna make you feel bad or anything. This is just about my feelings.”
Her eyes softened. “Okay…”
I hesitated. Swallowed.
“Sometimes I wonder what our life would be like if we had the baby.”
Her breath caught, just barely. She didn’t pull away, didn’t stiffen. But I felt the shift in her.
“You’ve been thinking about that for a while, huh?” she asked quietly.
“Over the years, yeah. But it hit me all over again yesterday. I don’t know why.”
“It’s ‘cause you want us to have a kid now. You think it’ll make me stay,” she explained.
I stayed quiet.
She nodded in understanding, eyes glossy. “I think about it too. Not all the time, but… sometimes.”
“Yeah?”
“Yes,” She choked out. “It was a hard decision to make. Even though I don’t regret it, that doesn’t stop me from wondering. I wonder what they would look like…if they had your eyes. I really want our kids to have your eyes.”
Her chest started to rise and fall rapidly.
I looked away. “I’m sorry I brought it up.”
“Don’t be,” she whispered. “We never really talked about it.”
“I didn’t want you to think I’m mad you did it.”
“I know. And I know you wonder, Teddy. It’s so obvious you want kids now. But. I just—I can’t—”
“Shh, I know.”
“Not yet,” she tensed. “Definitely in the future. But not yet. I’m so sorry.”
I cupped her cheek. “Hey. I started pulling out, didn’t I? We can wait.”
Her tension softened, and she breathed out before closing her eyes.
“Thank you, Teddy.”
VLOG THREE: Carmen & Theo.
Say something to future us.
