Page 106 of One Small Spark
I search for the right words but don’t like any of the options.
“It sometimes feels like…?” she says.
“They encouraged me to venture out on my own, and I appreciate that. I know they’re here for me if I need them. But sometimes it feels like I’m not what they want me to be.”
My parents would never say that, of course. They love and support me to an absurd degree. That doesn’t change the fact that I haven’t lived up to their hopes for me. I left the family business behind and forged my own path. There’s got to be some amount of disappointment tied up in that.
She runs her hands from my shoulders down to my elbows. “Because you don’t work at the lodge anymore?”
“It was the same when I worked there. Maybe worse.” I slide my hands over her hips and up to her waist. “It was like being the last piece of a puzzle, but I didn’t fit where I was supposed to go. Leo meshes better with them than I do.”
“That’s not true.”
She’s so worked up in my defense, it’s adorable. And somehow both soothes and presses on an old bruise. “Leo’s been working at the lodge for a couple of months and has not only helped plan the biggest event they’ve ever seen out there, but he’s going to emcee the whole thing. Stuff like that is second nature to him. I could never.”
I’m envious of my famous friend—what a cliché. I don’t want what he has or wish my life was different. But I’m well aware I was never much of a benefit to my family’s business. He’s become central without even trying.
“Who cares about Leo? Snore.” She runs her hands up the sides of my neck to cup my jaw. “The guy who built his bike shop from the ground up? Who’s going to give a big speech and sell this town on a cool new project even though it’snotsecond nature to him? That’s the good stuff.”
She leans in close, running her fingers through my hair. “Plus, black sheep are kinda hot.”
The warmth of her lips makes all thoughts of Leo and the lodge fade into the background. Her soft kiss grounds me in the here and now. The feel of her in my lap. Her nails on my scalp. Her mouth, nipping at mine.
After a minute, she pulls back, still petting and soothing me with her hands. “I know what it’s like to feel like you can’t be what your parents wanted.”
I run my hands to the small of her back, pulling her closer. “Your mom?”
She shakes her head. “My dad. Things were bad before he left. They fought a lot. He threatened to leave a bunch of times before he finally did. As an adult, I can see that he was just testing whether Mom would beg him to stay. As a little girl…”
She smooths the front of my shirt, not meeting my gaze. “I thought I could get my daddy to stay. If I did the right things, if I was sweet and good and kind all the time. If I was the best girl, he wouldn’t follow through on his threats. But he did, and…ugh, it’s so stupid. It’s been so long, but I think there’s a part of me that feels it’s safer to be the worst girl instead of trying to be the best girl and have people leave anyway.”
“Wren.” I pull her in close, locking her to me. My heart breaks, imagining her as a little girl thinking she could save her parents’ marriage if she only stayed on her best behavior. And then despairing that it wasn’t enough.
She pushes back, finally looking me in the eyes. “To be clear, Iamthe worst girl. This isn’t an act or anything. I really am full of snark and rage and bitterness.”
I glide my hands up her back. “I know. I like that about you.”
She rolls her eyes, and her mouth takes on that skeptical slant I know so well.
I’m reminded of something Rosetta texted us weeks ago. That people read enemies to lovers because they like the idea of someone seeing us at our worst and loving us anyway. Just because Wren doesn’t believe it doesn’t mean she doesn’t want it.
“You’re also full of love and loyalty and a fierce protectiveness. I like all your parts, Wren. I likeyou.”
I want to say so much more. I love you. I inked you on my skin so I’d always have a piece of you with me. There is nothing you could do that would make me give you up now.
But this day has already witnessed a host of emotionalrevelations. I don’t need to add to the weight of that. So I do what I do best. I needle her. Just a little.
“For the record, I like you when you’re bad.”
She snorts, falling against me to nuzzle her nose along my neck. “You are such a cheeseball.”
When it comes to her, I one hundred percent am.
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Ada: As a reminder, book group is this weekend
Ada: Show up ready to eat lunch and talk romance!
