Page 110 of Make Mine Sweet
Her soft question might as well be an accusation. But of course Tess would soften the blow as much as she can. She’s kind as she slices me to ribbons.
“I don’t know.” No job, no plans, no prospects. No wonder she thinks this would be a mistake. What do I have to offer her?
“I’ve got August to think about. He’s already so attached to you, I don’t know how he’ll handle it when you leave.”
The idea of hurting him makes my own heart ache, but he’s not the one I’m thinking of most right now. “And you? Is this just about protecting August’s feelings?”
Her gentle smile is a knife finding its mark between my ribs. “I’m attached to you, too.”
I take her shoulders, clinging to that scrap of hope. Maybe I can still save this, save us. “Angel?—”
“But you’re not staying.” Her voice breaks as a tear tracks down her cheek. “You have a business and a life to get back to. And I’ll be left to pick up the pieces when you leave. I need to do what’s best for us.”
“And that’s not me.”
Her sad smile is the deathblow that finally splits my cracking heart in two.
“I’m sorry, Ian.”
I brush the tear on her cheek away with my thumb. “So am I.”
I drop my hands from her, closing her tear into my fist. She seems to struggle over what else to say but must decide she’s said enough. After a minute, she goes into the house with a soft “goodbye.”
I sit in the deck chair closest to me, crumbling away. The smell of gasoline and motor oil come back to me, the air seemingly thick with it. I just spun out again, but this time, I don’t have the heart to save myself.
I just bleed out.
THIRTY-SEVEN
TESS
Hot tip:nobody can tell you’re crying when you’re swimming in a lake.
Wren put together a day trip to distract August and me. She didn’t say it in so many words, but I can do the math. She’s been tiptoeing around me ever since I told her I…well, that I chickened out with Ian.
It’s not really a breakup if you were never together. And technically, we’re still friends. I didn’t sever ties, I only said I couldn’t see himthat wayanymore. But since then, we haven’t seen him at all. I guess we’re both avoiding each other.
The duplex has never felt so stifling.
Wren invited Hope and Lila along with their men to come out to Caldera Lake with us. It’s a gorgeous day, clear and hot, and the water reflects the mountains in the distance. We’re splashing around in the sun, having the time of our lives.
Or looking like we are.
“But why couldn’t Ian come, Mama?” August asks.
I can’t count how many times he’s asked about Ian in the last three days. I foolishly hoped he’d be focused on Dutch, but it’s Ian he keeps asking for. Every time he asks, my heart crushes into a finer dust, knowing if I’d been smarter, I would have spared him this.
But I let him get attached, just like I did. The single-parenting advice columnists would be so disappointed in me.
“Ian’s brother is still in town.” It’s the truth but also a lie. I know they’re still here because their rental car keeps showing up next door. But since I never invited Ian in the first place, it’s a shabby excuse. “So we just came with friends today.”
“But he’s our friend, too.”
My little guy has no idea how he’s twisting the vise around my chest.
“Hey, buddy!” Griffin swims over to commandeer the purple hippo float August is perched on. “Want to play I Spy?”
Hope rests her elbows on the edge of the float. “Griffin’s good at I Spy. He needs someone who can really challenge him. Think you can?”
