Page 104 of Say the Words
I kept my composure all through the pastor’s sermon, the two Bible readings, and the musical interlude. I was careful to hold my gaze someplace safe and neutral, like Eden’s back or the reader’s lectern,noton the Best Man.
Everything went fine until the vows. When Booker said he would take on Eden’s burdens as his own, my gaze darted to Ty. His eyes were already on me, telegraphing a message I couldn’t interpret. My stomach bottomed out and my heartbeat skipped at the look in his eyes. I clutched my bouquet tighter as I glanced away again, willing my heart and mind to quiet down.
Any tears that fell down my cheeks afterwards were solely because of Eden and Booker’s happiness, nothing more.
The happy couple were declared husband and wife, and leaned in for an extravagant kiss. I smiled over them even though my stomach twisted into a pretzel. They finally came up for air and darted down the aisle to cheers and wolf-whistles. Lumbering forward like a wall of gray linen and muscle, Ty offered me his arm.Showtime. I flashed a fake smile just like I’d practiced. Maybe weaker than I wanted, but the best I could do. His eyebrows drew together, but he didn’t return the favor.
Ty escorted me through the sanctuary and outside to where the photographer waited to take photos. I tried not to listen, but Booker’s repeated declarations of how stunning Eden was and how much he adored her were hard to miss. They sank into my heart, searing a little for all the foolish wishes they conjured. Foolish wishes had gotten me into this mess in the first place.
While Eden and Booker posed wrapped in each other’s arms, I stood with the rest of the bridal party off to one side of the churchyard.
Ty spoke nearly in my ear, he was so close. “You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.”
I gave him another thin smile. Beautiful. Ordinarily, it was a hell of a compliment, especially from a man of few words like Ty, but it paled compared to what I really wanted to hear.
I have feelings for you, too.
You’re not in this alone.
I’m all in.
Any one would have done just fine.
I shook off those regrets and stuffed them far away. I had to get through this entire wedding day, and getting weepy over Ty would make that ten times harder.
“How are you feeling?” I’d asked him so many times, it was second nature now. Even his tailored suit and freshly shaven face couldn’t hide the tension that lined his mouth and eyes. I guessed he’d had a bad night. Well, he wasn’t the only one.
“I’m fine.”
His answer was just as reflexive as my question. I could see he wasn’t fine, knew his chest must hurt from all of this standing and walking around, and the day had only just begun. But if he didn’t want to give an honest answer, I wouldn’t push it. That hadn’t gotten us anywhere.
“How are you?” he asked.
I glanced away. “I’m fine.”
See? We could both lie.
THIRTY-EIGHT
ty
I couldn’t have been happierfor Booker, that was the truth. I just wished the man’s damn reception would go by a little quicker. I’d smiled through all the photos, which wasn’t too hard, since I’d been looking at June. I’d cheered right along with everyone else when Booker and Eden were ushered into the Myler Manor as Mr. and Mrs. Robinson, ignoring the blaze that flared up in my chest with every clap and shout. Now, I had to endure dinner as a spectacle, sitting at the head table next to Eden while everyone watched me eat.
Not that anyone really watched me. Any glances my way were aimed at Eden and Booker, wrapped up in each other’s happiness like twists of taffy. I’d never had so many cameras and phones turned toward me in my life. I did my best to keep a light smile on, hoping any wide-angle shots focused more on June than me.
I tried not to stare at her down the table, I really did. With her hair all done and the slinky bridesmaid dress on, she was almost too beautiful to look at. Though if I had to choose, I preferred her in jeans and a T-shirt, stomping around in rubber boots on my ranch.
The thought of never seeing her there again left me sick inside. I’d barely slept last night for misery. I’d managed not to drown myself in the bottle of Johnnie Walker Bullet’s owner had sent me, though it’d been tempting. Anything to kill this ache in my heart and the growing sense that in trying to do the right thing, I’d gone and done the opposite. I wouldn’t hold June back, tie her down to me and my ranch when she deserved so much more, but I couldn’t shake the feeling I had crushed my own happiness under my boot.
“How are you doing, Ty?” Eden broke through those depressing thoughts, shining the full force of her joy on me.
“I’d think you would be more concerned with how your husband’s doing.”
Her grin widened on the wordhusband, like it was her new favorite word. “I’m just checking in.”
I noticed the photographer moving around in the audience, her huge camera lens trained on us. Ah. Candids. I smiled and played along.
“I’m fine. How does it feel to be Mrs. Robinson?”
