Page 50 of Cowgirls Love French Kisses
The words are clawing their way up my throat, but it’s hard to line them up, make them sound right.
“But this thing with us, it's exactly what I needed and in ways I didn’t realize. You're like a bandage for old wounds; You’re so different fromher, the opposite in a lot of ways, and being with you makes the hurt of the past go away, at least most of the time?—”
“Hold up, cowboy.” Annie shakes her head, her hand up like a stop sign. “I’m not some kind of healer of sentimental wounds.”
“That’s not what I meant.”
“It’s what you said.”
“No, you see, I realized something right from that very first day, but I didn’t know what it was. I thought I was reading too much into it, acting a fool. Again. But then, as I was watching you, day-in and day-out, it became clear that you were more than just a superficial figment of my imagination.”
“Um, thanks?”
I clear my throat, but the room is suddenly dry and I have the distinct sense this is not going the way I want.
“I had to find a way to bring you back into my life. See? I knew even then.”
“What, when?” Her brow furrows and she shakes her head. “I’m confused.”
There's a flicker of something in her eyes, and I rush to fill the silence. “It was never abouther.I was just captivated, trying to figure out how I could step into your world, how to start this with you.”
Annie's brow furrows, her arms crossing over her chest. “Wait a second. You were watching me? When?”
The question's out, and there's no dancing around it. “Yes, after I left you at the hotel. I found myself drawn there, to the pyramid, to see you with your students, to watch you being… you.”
Her eyes narrow, and I can see the gears turning, the pieces coming together. “So, you were there. All those times I thought I was crazy, thinking I saw you. You were actually there?”
I can feel the conversation slipping, the whole thing spiraling, but I don’t know how to stop it. “Yes, I was there.”
“And while I was losing my mind thinking I'd never see you again, you were right there?”
“I didn’t know what to say.”
“Hello!” Annie shouts. “You say hello!”
“I was trying to be brave enough to face you again.”
Annie's laugh is sharp, and it slices through the tension. “Brave? Mathieu, that's not a question of bravery, that's… I don't even know what that is. Why would you do that? Just watch and not come over after the night we spent together?”
The question hangs heavy, and I find myself whispering the truth. “I didn't want to get it wrong. I didn't want to get left again.”
Her face softens for a moment, but the walls go back up just as quickly.
“So instead, you chose to leave me behind.” Her words are sharp, cutting through the quiet of the room. “You walked out on me before I even had a chance. I think you should go, Mathieu.”
I don’t move, scrambling for anything that might fix this, but I come up empty.
“Go home, Mathieu,” she repeats, firmer this time.
And I go.
CHAPTER20
Annie
Sitting on my bed,surrounded by what looks like the aftermath of a souvenir tornado, I am lost. My face must look like a road map of tears, all of them heading it one direction only—to Sage, Texas.
Heading home tomorrow.
