Page 24 of Praise Me: Pilot
I nod in relief, throwing myself into his solid embrace.
Thisis where I want to be.
I’m going to stay here forever, where it’s safe.
But I don’t have that option, because Joel’s phone pings with a text a second later. One glance at the screen and his eyes are already filling with dread.
“It’s the airline,” he says, voice gravelly. “There are flights in danger of being cancelled, because of storms in the southeast. Real ones, this time.” He sighs. “They need me to come in early.”
It’s a terrible time for Joel to leave and we both know it.
I only agreed to be his girlfriend a matter of hours ago, a new position that makes me nervous as hell, not only because of my major trust issues, but because of my father’s reaction. My father. I really don’t want to think about him right now. Not so soon…after.
Joel knows my deepest, darkest secret now, doesn’t he?
It’s a secret that evenIdidn’t know. Not until I was in the middle of addressing it with no way out but to let my body succumb. My daddy issues area lotmore complicated than I expected. Or even knew possible. I knew I wanted Phil’s love, but I didn’t expect my repressed feelings to be so…Freudian. The psychology major in me wonders if my father, for all his tomcatting ways, became a figure in my life synonymous with sex. Therefore, when I imagine being loved by him, well…
What happened…happened.
Joel, looking tortured, starts to walk out of my apartment, but comes back for the third time to kiss me again, and I’m more than happy to accommodate him. Just like the previous two times, I end up pressed to the doorjamb, both of us moaning into the kiss.
“Hey.” He pushes our foreheads together. “As soon as I know my exact schedule, I’ll send it to you. I’m going to see you again as soon as humanly possible, Haylo.” Another long, breathless kiss. “And I’m going to speak to Phil at the earliest opportunity about us.”
My heart flip-flops happily, but there are strings holding it down, preventing it from soaring too high, too far. Joel isleaving. Leaving is leaving, isn’t it? I made excuses for my father for too long. Am I going to make them again now?
As badly as I want to believe Joel is serious about me, determined to go all in, I hold some of myself back. He senses it, too. His perceptiveness truly knows no bounds, does it?
Nor does his dominance of my senses.
My head is full of him, my body attuned to his hands, his breath.
“I’ll miss you,” I whisper, my heart heavy.
“Not as much as I’ll miss you,” he says fervently, swiping the moisture from my eyes. “Have faith in me, all right?” My dutiful nod slows when his expression darkens. “If another man so much as breathes in your direction while I’m gone, I will come back here and take this campus down, brick by brick, so I can stack them on top of his grave.”
“I can’t stop a man from breathing,” I gasp, incredulous.
“No?” He tucks a loose strand of hair behind my ear. “I stopped breathing the minute I saw you. Haven’t taken a full one since.”
“That sounds dangerous. Are you sure you’re okay to fly?”
“Knowing it’s the only way to get back to you? I’ll manage.”
I’m beaming at Joel as he climbs into his rental car, waving at him through the windshield while he looks his fill one final time. Seeing him in the driver’s side of his car makes me think of him in the cockpit of a plane. Which gives me an idea.
I’m worried that Joel is going to follow in my father’s footsteps and be a flagrant pursuer of women while he’s jetting around the globe, aren’t I?
In fact, he hasn’t even left yet and my stomach is beginning to hurt, waiting for the other shoe to drop. Maybe I should make it drop sooner than later. If I find out early that he’s not good boyfriend material, I can start to get over my damaged feelings sooner. Right?
Maybe…I’ll follow him.
Just to see how he behaves at work. Because I won’t be a sucker.
He’ll never even know I was there.
But at least I’ll get some insight, won’t I?
Either a broken heart or peace of mind.
