Page 54 of Magic Hunted
I’d often watched shifters there. From a distance.
“We’ll go there now you can shift,” Ashir said.
I hadn’t planned on returning to panther territory. Hell, I hadn’t planned on anything after getting the grimoire out of me. I’d lived in survival mode for so long, I hadn’t thought of anything resembling a future.
Ashir pulled me to a stop with his fingers on my biceps. I found myself his sole focus again as his brow creased. “What’s wrong?”
Heat prickled beneath my skin, agitating me. “Nothing.” I slid free of his grasp, intending to keep walking.
He stepped to my side, effectively blocking me. “Something is definitely wrong. Tell us what it is. Please.”
I scrubbed my forehead. “I…”
I didn’t have the words to answer him. I was alone in the true sense of the word. My thoughts were my own, no matter how shitty they were.
He caught my hands in his, the sure grip commanding my attention. “Tell me, Haera.”
Pressure built inside me, building without an outlet. I would explode if I didn’t find a way out of here. My chest constricted and the huts were too close together, caving in around me. “No. I won’t!”
Dias and Savvas closed behind me, blocking me in, but when I looked at them, they were half an arm’s length away. Not that close at all. I grabbed at my shirt, the air suddenly suffocating.
“Tell us what’s upsetting you,” Ashir said.
His gaze was concentrated, trained on me the way it always was. Taking in every minute detail and he wasn’t going to budge. This was all too much. Too intense. I looked for a way out, to hide, but there was no space between them. They blocked me off with their much bigger bodies. Muscled shoulder to muscled shoulder. Words exploded from me. “I don’t know what’s wrong. Nothing. Everything. I’ve never had to tell anyone before.”
My fingers plowed through my hair. The darkness enclosed around me. The fire churning in my gut, sending streaks of lava into my brain, needed release. “I can’t go to the pool. I wasn’t a shifter until a few days ago. I don’t know how to be a panther. Titan doesn’t know I’m a panther. You don’t keep a secret like this from Titan. If I go, and he finds me, he’ll kill you and then he’ll kill your pack. I can’t go back there. You can’t go back there. You’ll lose your home. He’ll take away everything. It’s because of me and I’m not worth it!”
“Come here, sweet girl.” Powerful arms wrapped around me. A large hand cupped the back of my head, holding me against a broad, muscular chest. I breathed in Ashir’s citrus scent, fighting to calm down, but I couldn’t. My chest heaved. I felt sick. Like I was going to vomit but tears and snot poured out of me.
This wasn’t me. I shed all the tears I had left after my parents died. Nothing made me cry. An offer of a simple swim certainly shouldn’t, and here I was sobbing against Ashir’s chest.
A warm hand stroked my back. Whiskey and cinnamon drifted around me and Savvas pressed his lips to my temple. “Get it all out, my heart. There’s no other way.”
I couldn’t do this here. Couldn’t have a breakdown in the middle of the elves’ village, but nothing stopped the river of tears pouring from me. I drew in a shaky breath. The more I tried to stop, the harder it was. “I…can’t…do this.”
Dias skimmed his knuckle down my cheek that wasn’t buried into Ashir’s chest. “It’s all right. We understand. You’ve had no one, magic. Get it out. We’ve got you.”
It didn’t matter if they had me or not, I couldn’t stop. The pressure was unrelenting. Ashir swept my feet from under me and turned. I fisted his shirt. “I don’t want to go back to the hut.”
I couldn’t stand the thought of four walls closing in around me. “Then I won’t take you there.”
I fought for the control that wouldn’t come as my alphas closed around me. I held my breath, only to choke as violent sobs rose.
“Why am I c…crying like this?” I whispered.
Ashir settled me on his lap and brushed his lips across my temple. “Because finally, you can.”
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Dias and Savvas sandwiched us between them. They stroked me with gentle touches. Told me how good I was being. How brave I was. How they admired my strength. All while I continued to cry until there was nothing left. Until I was a wrung-out mess too worn out to worry that I’d ruined Ashir’s shirt, or that I was still on his lap, or even notice where the hells they’d taken me. Titan would have me whipped for being so sloppy. He’d have me whipped for existing if it took his fancy. I was always vigilant, looking for it. Keeping out of the way and doing what he said so it wouldn’t happen. That was weak. I was weak.
“This isn’t strong,” I said. Ashir stroked my back as I leaned against him in his lap. I finally managed to breathe.
“What makes you say that?” Savvas said.
I raised my burning, swollen eyes to him. “Why do you even have to ask? I understand how things work. I fight. I survive. You have to be strong to do that.Thisisn’t strong.”
“I’m not talking about the kind of strong that’s life and death; where you’re living on your nerves because you don’t know if Titan will kill you or let you live. The strength I’m talking about is true courage. True bravery. This is exactly what you’re being,” Ashir said.
