Page 37 of Magic Hunted
Ashir gently slid his fingers through my hair and gods, if that didn’t soothe me. I was surrounded by his scent, his arms, his strength. The whisper of his concern flowed through the bond. My panther brushed against it, basking in that small amount. She looked up at me making a sound of sadness. She didn’t understand that I couldn’t give something that had died a long time ago.
I hadn’t thought of Brais for a long time. It’d taken years, but I’d finally buried him alongside all the other faces in the shadows living in my soul. I’d had to do that to survive. To do what had to be done. It’d taken effort to stop dreaming of him. Of missing him. To not feel the pain of loss. The grief was as powerful as the loss of my parents, which now made sense.
For years, he lived in my dreams. We’d escape into the wild of the jungle and play hide and seek. In other dreams, the bloodied courtyard would fade away to reveal a field of green grass and wildflowers, and we would picnic under the sun. Sometimes we’d swim and play in the river and I’d laugh with him over the silly jokes he’d tell me. Those dreams were so brilliant, so real. Textured with sights and sounds and physical sensation when I woke I swore they’d been real. I lived in those dreams in a way I never could in real life, grateful they’d taken me away from my existence until I realized they did me more harm than good. What good was wishing for more when that would never happen? The more things I did for Titan, the more I didn’t deserve to have anything like my dream life with Brais. He didn’t deserve to share my blackened soul.
Neither did Ashir, Savvas or Dias.
Heat prickled beneath my closed lids because we’d never been given a chance. Why else would a boy as young as I had been offer friendship under those terrifying circumstances? Why else would he be prepared to put himself at risk for a perfect stranger? A nobody at that. There was no other reason.
Part of me had never questioned that before but now it made perfect sense.
He’d known.
He had to have known.
I hadn’t because my parents made sure to separate my panther side from me. I wouldn’t feel a bond until she was freed with a single touch from all my mates. My animal was nothing but a vague concept that I shared nothing with. Until now.
We stepped from huts built further apart than the others toward a larger, round hut on the outskirts of the village, its conical roof rising into a spire from which smoke rose. Lanterns hung on the rafters as they did on the other huts of the village, and spilled from open windows. The scent of dried leaves and herbs grew more prominent as we approached.
Shanyirra led us inside. The cluttered room surrounded a round fireplace, above which a large black cauldron sat. Shelves covered the rounded walls, stuffed with jars and small woven baskets from which dried leaves and unidentifiable objects poked. A rickety table and two handmade chairs were placed on one side of the fireplace and a worktable held several jars, a cutting board, knife and mortar and pestle.
“This is where I keep those who are ill or injured so I can treat them.” Shanyirra opened a door and led us into a smaller room, made cozy with a bed, dresser and several chests. The biggest form of comfort came from the open window through which I saw rows of trees and beyond that, a gleaming river reflecting the luminescent moss high overhead.
I grabbed her arm. “I meant what I said before. This is all your fault; breeding us as though we’re livestock. Making us responsible for your grimoire. Free my mates. Remove the bond so they’re not compelled to want me.”
Because that’s what this came down to. A freak of biology and breeding that was used against us.
Shanyirra put her warm, dry palm over mine. She held my hand with a good solid grip with her gnarled fingers. “Child, you have it back to front. I can’t take away a bond, like I can’t make time go backwards. Some things can’t and shouldn’t be done.”
I stared into her milky eyes hoping she saw the devastation in mine. “Then you’ve condemned them.”
“Your bond has nothing to do with the grimoire. No magic is strong enough to come anywhere close enough to a bond. It’s a gift from the gods,” Shanyirra said.
“If it’s a gift, why does it feel like a curse?” I asked.
She placed her hand on my cheek and I immediately jerked away. If she couldn’t help me, I didn’t want anything to do with her. She hadn’t lost a mate. She hadn’t lost her family. She didn’t understand.
“I understand more than you give me credit for, as do your mates,” Shanyirra said.
I blanched because I must have spoken out loud. I ripped my forearm from her grasp and moved to the window away from her and away from my mates, who I would only drag down. I already had. They wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for me.
“Nothing you can say will make me change my mind,” I said, wincing at the pain erupting through the crack in the bond-barrier.
Shanyirra closed the door, leaving me in the bedroom with the three alphas. I paced the room, trying to ignore my rolling stomach and the pounding of their essences in my chest.
“You can’t mean that, magic,” Dias said.
I faced them, wrapping my arms about myself as though that might anchor me. Might give me the strength to say what needed to be said. They needed to see the truth. If they saw me for who I truly was to them, they’d understand why we shouldn’t bond. They had a choice, and why they shouldn’t want me started with their bond-brother. Theirdeadbond-brother. “I met Brais at the Choosing,” I said.
“Tell me you weren’t there. Tell me you weren’t selected. Not you, my mate. Not you.” Horror mixed with soul deep sadness crossed Ashir’s face. I felt the brush of it along the barrier, whispering the full extent of his emotions, but how else did he think I became Titan’s spy? I didn’t exactly apply for the position. Titan only took survivors to turn into monsters.
“I…” My throat closed over, the horror of the day gagging me still.
Everyone knew what it meant when Titan named his Choosing day. Choosing day was what parents warned their children about when they wanted them home safely.Don’t go out on the streets after dark. Don’t go anywhere alone.Come back, come back, come back, and if you don’t come back, pray that Titan won’t find you.
Only a handful of children lived at the end of the Choosing, and even less after years of brutal training. In my batch, there’d been three of us and I’d never known what happened to the other two after a few weeks.
The cadre had been formed from another batch a few years before mine. Three, now down to two with Kalos’ death. It was the reason they were so tight. So cold. They’d lost their souls, like I did after that day.
