Page 39 of #Resort Love
And that’s what it was.
A complete and total disaster. A dumpster fire that never stopped burning.
Two hours passed; sweat dripped down the side of my face as I grunted with exertion before a blast of light abruptly expanded, piercing Samian’s cup. Panting, I cried out in frustration while a puddle of tea dripped from the table to the floor. I groaned, walking over to the mess and began to pick up the shards of porcelain.
Samian sighed and I faltered when he crouched down to help me clean the mess. His brows furrowed like he was lost in thought. I couldn’t tell if he was as frustrated as I was or if he was disappointed. I’m sure he was thinking both, though. I could hear it now, a voice that sounded so similar to my father's, telling him—telling me—that this was all pointless. Telling him that I would never be able to do this.
A sharp edge of a broken piece of his teacup cut into my finger and I hissed. Breaking his concentration, Samian gently took my hand, his smooth skin softly caressing mine, sending a twinge of electricity up my arm. Swallowing, Aster’s face flitted across my mind as I watched Samian set aside the pieces of broken porcelain before taking a cloth napkin, ripping it into asmaller piece, and wrapping it around my finger. My chest ached when he put a touch of pressure on the cut.
I have never hated feeling so useless as I do now. “Why am I not able to do this?” I asked bitterly, my voice cracking.
Exhaling, Samian stopped cleaning, his lips dipping in a frown. “What makes you think that you’re not able to do this?” he asked, his tone was soft and steady.
“I’m sorry, have you not seen what has been happening the past few hours?” Frustration dripped from my tone. My heart pounded hard against my chest. “I completely shattered that cup. That bookcase?” I said, pointing behind me. “It’s destroyed. I am destroying everything around me.” Shame twisted my stomach, and my voice trembled. Every breath I took felt empty. All I wanted to do was scream and shout. I wanted to throw something and let it shatter against the wall. I wanted to bang my fists against the floor or the table. I wanted to dosomethingthat would make this room feel not so suffocating.
“Sybil,” Samian sighed, his eyes turning sharp and I tensed, waiting for him to agree with me. To tell me that maybe it was time for me to give up. But the words that came were not what I expected. “The fact that you are ‘destroying’ the things around you tells me that youcando this. If you couldn’t, there would be no magic. My cup would still be intact. That bookcase,” he jerked his chin to the splintered wood, “would still be standing in one piece. You are learning faster than you think you are. It takes children months to learn how to hold on to their magic without it going haywire. You learned it in a day.”
My eyes burned and Samian tucked a piece of hair behind my ear. His gaze felt endless, and I couldn’t look away, couldn’t even breathe under the fire that lingered in his eyes. “You are doing so much better than you think you are, Sybil. Let go of thisfixationthat you have on needing to control your magic.Accept that your magic is something beautiful and warm and completely you. It is something that is a part of you. If you want to control it, you need to feel it. Become it. You need to create a love for its beauty and the warmth it can provide.” Pulling his hand away, he looked down at the shards of his cup, swallowing. “You fear your magic too much. You’re afraid of what will happen when you use it, afraid of hurting someone like you did with Liam and your father. If you can let go of that fear, you will be amazed by what you can do, Sybil. I promise you that.”
Breaking away from Samian, I stood, taking a deep, unsteady breath. There it was, my fear laid out, stripped and bare. I felt sick. Sick and exposed.
“It’s not that simple.”
How could it be? My power hurt Liam and my father. Who knew what else would happen if I just let that go? Yes, it was amazing to feel—to see—that magic pouring out of me. But that power could be a terrible, dangerous thing.
Samian’s lips thinned, and he opened his mouth, but before he could say whatever he was going to say, he closed it again. Closing his eyes, he shook his head, wincing before opening them again. Wariness filled his eyes and face as his back straightened. “Last night, what did Ambrose do to help you?”
Cringing, I looked to the floor, fumbling with the edge of my tunic. “I thought we weren’t going to talk about that,” I murmured, my throat feeling tight.
“When did we agree on that?”
I blinked once. Twice. Samian tilted his head, waiting for me to respond, but his question—the brazenness of it—left me stunned. My heart felt like it leapt in my throat and my stomach dropped. “The letter you gave me?” I finally said. “Wasn’t that a ‘hey, let's not discuss this ever again?’ kind ofthing?”
“I don’t remember writing nor agreeing to that in my letter,” Samian teased with a smirk.
“Are you serious?” I sputtered. “This isn’t funny.”
“Yes, I’m serious, Sybil,” he said, all amusement gone from his voice. “Obviously he was able to do something that helped you focus enough for you to keep your magic steady. So, what did he do?”
“I’m not going to tell you that,” I scoffed, my blasted, traitorous face heating before I could stop it.
Samian narrowed his eyes as we stood at a standstill, watching the redness creeping up my neck. Frustration mixed with a bit of shame further twisted my stomach while I refused to meet his stare. “Did he do something to you against your will?” he said a moment later, his voice deepening to a threatening tone.
“No!” I cried. “He didn’t do anything against my will. I asked him to—for—he didn’t do anything that I didn’t ask him to do.” I stammered, turning away from the violence in his eyes.
Samian took a step toward me when a knock interrupted us. Our heads whipped toward the sound, and I blanched. Arianna stood near the stairs, her lips curling with anger and disgust. Her jaw clenched, telling me that she had heard everything we just said. My heart stood still, my blood turning to ice.
“Ambrose ordered me to tell you that you will be joining Ezra and me for combat training today,” Arianna sneered, those blue eyes of hers like chips of ice. “Meet us in the training yard after lunch. Samian can guide you there.”
Arianna’s sharp gaze sliced through me as it slid down my body and back up again, her face pinching with disdain. As if finding me worthless, she scoffed and turned to leave the library. Anger rose, lodging in my throat while I watched her lithe form saunter down the steps.
Samian cursed, slamming his fist to the table. The wood groaned and I flinched at the sudden burst of anger. Paling, my heart squeezed tight in my chest, making it hard to breathe. He’d had enough of me. This was too much for him.Iwas too much. Closing his eyes, Samian pinched the bridge of his nose and breathed, calming himself. Blinking his eyes open, he looked away, refusing to meet my stare.
“Let’s take a break. You’ve used too much magic already and you need to recover before your combat training. I’ll grab us some lunch and return shortly. In the meantime,” Samian paused, opening one of the books and turning to a page in the middle. “Read this chapter on the ability for emotional manipulation.”
I nodded silently, but waited until I heard his steps disappear before returning to my chair. Plopping into my seat, I rubbed the back of my neck, blinking back the burn in my eyes. I couldn’t remember a time where I fucked things up this much. Resting my chin in my hand, I stared at the page of the book, though it might as well have been empty. I mindlessly grazed the edge of the book binding with my thumbnail, moving up and down, finding comfort in the sensation.
Maybe Samian was right. Maybe I am holding on too tight with my promise to Liam. But just letting go was harder than it seemed. This life—this magic—it was all so new to me. I remembered how my father had looked at me when I lost control. I remembered how cold his eyes were. I saw how much he hated what I was, and it had left me so unsettled. It was worse than that, though. Liam crying out in pain had haunted me every night since I came here. No matter how hard I tried to hide that from Samian, the volatility of my magic was just a mirror to how I felt inside. My mind—my emotions—they wereso muddled. So chaotic. Like I was one moment, one step away from everything falling apart.
