Page 116 of The Lone Wolf Café
It still didn’t feel real. I feared it wouldn’t for a long time.
After a few minutes to cool off and process the events of the night, the chilly weather no longer felt refreshing. I wrapped my arms tightly across my chest as I began to shiver.
I thought about my werewolf form, and how comfortable I would be enjoying the warmth of my thick fur coat. Then I realized – I could shift if I wanted to. My identity wasn’t a secret anymore. Even if another witch saw me in my wolf form, I doubted they’d come after me. After all, I’d just saved Wisteria Grove from the full moon frenzy.
But I decided that, as cold and uncomfortable as I was, my new reality was best dealt with in my human form. Werewolves hada one-track mind, always concentrating on the present, never letting outside forces interfere with their focus. In my werewolf form, I could retreat into my feral instincts, curl up in a tight ball on the front porch, and snooze the worries of the world away.
But I knew that wasn’t productive. I needed to process this.
The sooner the better.
No matter how much it hurt.
The squeaky metal creak of the back door opening snapped me out of my thoughts.
I turned my head, and Rowena offered me a sad, sympathetic smile as she stood in the doorway. She raised her left hand, which contained my brown cloak, and held it out like a peace offering.
A sudden gust of wind caused me to shiver, and I eagerly took the cloak from Rowena and wrapped it around my shoulders.
I was so grateful for her.
Rowena lowered herself into the empty chair next to me, her own cloak wrapped tightly across the front of her chest. She sat quietly for a few moments, as if assessing the situation. As if giving me time to think.
But my frazzled mind couldn’t stand the silence.
“I’m a terrible daughter, aren’t I?” I blurted out. It was the one question that had been tearing me apart inside.
Rowena startled, as if confused by the question. “What?”
“I should be happy that my mother is alive,” I continued. I could feel a wave of sadness choking up my throat again, but this time I didn’t fight it. Tonight was going to be emotional whether I liked it or not. “I should be so grateful to have her back. But I’m not. I’m upset, and angry, and confused and… well, a lot of other things. Does that make me a bad daughter? I should be–”
“Nettie.”
I snapped my mouth shut as tears slipped down my face, leaving chilly trails across my cheeks.
“No. You’re not a terrible daughter. It’s perfectly normal to be feeling all of these emotions right now.”
I cocked my head. “It is?”
“Yes,” Rowena replied. She offered me her hand, and I responded by wrapping my arms around her and nuzzling my face into her collarbone.
“You’re overwhelmed, Nettie,” she continued. “And in shock. All perfectly normal feelings when something like this happens.”
“But… it’s not just shock. I feel angry. I mean… she left us! My mother abandoned us for fifteen years! How could a mother do such a thing to her own children!?”
Rowena let out a long, deep sigh, rubbing my shoulder as my tears dampened her chest. “It’s… complicated, Nettie. The world usually is. Your mother shouldn’t have abandoned you and your sisters, that part is true. But she didn’t do it out of neglect or malice. From what she told us, it sounds like she was a very sick, scared person who didn’t have a good solution to her issues. That tends to make these decisions difficult.”
I nuzzled further into her chest, taking deep breaths as my tears dried and I pondered her words.
“I understand that part. It’s just…” I continued after a few minutes of silence. “My father and the other werewolves always preached forgiveness, and letting the past stay in the past. But… I don’t know if I can do it. I don’t know if I can forgive her. Gods, I feel like a horrible person…”
“Nettie, sweetheart...” Rowena rubbed my shoulder. “You don’thaveto do anything. It’s up to you whether or not you want to forgive your mother. But at the same time… I think you’re looking at forgiveness all wrong.”
I ran my white shirt sleeve across my crusty, damp cheeks. “What do you mean?”
“Well… no offense, but I think your father is wrong. Forgiveness isn’t about forgetting the past. It isn’t aboutthrowing away what caused you pain and forgetting it ever existed. If you want to forgive your mother, you can still acknowledge that what she did hurt you. You can confront the past instead of locking it away. Together, you and your mother can analyze it, process it, learn from it. Then, once you’re truly ready to move on, you can.”
I remained quiet, my father and Rowena’s contradicting definitions swimming in my mind as I inhaled Rowena’s lavender perfume.
