Page 86 of Daddy's Muse
He gave me another smile as he lifted the spoon and began to eat. The silence stretched between us until he set it down again, shoulders sinking.
“Bodin,” he said finally, his voice barely carrying. “I need some time.”
I froze, heart seizing in my chest. “Time…?”
He nodded, gaze focused on Butter sitting beside us. “To process everything. I… I can’t pretend like it’s not in my head. But I also…” He swallowed hard, brows lowering. “I don’t want to lose you. You’re all I have. You’re who I want. I just… I don’t know how to carry both at the same time yet.”
“Colby… oh, sweetheart… I’ll do anything. Anything you need. You want time? I’ll give you time. You want space? I’ll stay an arm’s length if that’s what makes you feel safe. Just don’t—” My voice caught, the words breaking before I forced them out. “Don’t shut me out. Don’t take yourself away from me.Please, my love.”
His gaze finally lifted to meet mine, those bright ocean eyes wet at the corners. “I don’t know the way forward, Pappa. I don’t… I’m scared—scared of myself, mostly.”
That didn’t seem right. I questioned, “Of yourself? Why? You’ve done nothing wrong. I’m the one you should be scared of.”
His fingers curled around my bicep like he was afraid I might slip away at any moment. “Because something’swrongwithme,” he hiccuped, a few tears escaping and rolling down his freckled skin.
“What are you talking about, sweetheart? Nothing’s wrong with you. That’s all me,” I tried to assure him. “You’re perfect.”
“No, Pappa,” he cried.
I moved his breakfast onto the nightstand and pulled him into my lap. “Please talk to me. Tell me what’s wrong so I can fix it. Please.”
Colby shook his head, rubbing his nose and wet face against my pecs. “You’re a murderer. You’ve killed so many people. Any normal person would have run straight out of the house when they heard what you told me yesterday. They would’ve called the cops. And—and that would be the right thing to do! You stole the futures of twelve people, Bodin—twelve. You took them away from their loved ones.”
“Baby, that—”
“No, please. I need to finish—I need to say this,” he stated, wiping at his tears. I shut my mouth and nodded for him to go on. “You killed people, and I-I’m still here. I’m here… My chest feels like it’s going to rip open any second—it hurtssobad. But I’mhere. I spent the night in your arms, and I’m eating a damn parfait you made.That’swhat’s wrong. Because you’re a serial killer, and I’m still calling you Pappa. I shouldn’t want you, or any of this! And it’s killing me… How—how can I…” he stammered, voice trailing off.
“I’m so sorry, sweetheart,” I whispered brokenly into his mop of curls. “But thank you… Thank you for giving me a chance. We’ll find a way forward, baby, I promise. We’ll take it step by step. I’ll change however I have to. Just let me keep you. Please let me keep you.”
22
Colby
I couldn’t stop fidgeting on his lap. Every word he said settled heavy inside me, like they belonged there, but it was still hard to let myself believe them fully.
“You scare me,” I admitted, my voice barely above a whisper. “Not for the reasons you should scare me, but because I don’t think I could walk away, even if I needed to.”
Pappa’s eyes softened as he brushed a thumb over my cheek. “You’ll never have to walk away. I won’t give you a reason to.”
I swallowed, throat tight. “But you alreadyhave.” The words came out before I could stop them. His hand stilled against my face, and the silence that followed stretched too long.
“I know,” he said finally, voice rough. “I know what I’ve done, and I can’t undo it. But Colby—” His hand pressed against his chest. “If I could give you every piece of myself to make you feelsafe, I’d do it without hesitation. I don’t care if I burn in every hell that exists—so long as you stay with me.”
The sincerity in his tone made the tears start to fall yet again. I pressed my face into his shoulder, muffling the sound of my shaky breath.
“I don’t want to lose you,” I whispered against his skin. “You’re all I have. All I want.”
His arms tightened around me like he was holding the whole world together with his grip. “Then you won’t. I’ll never let you lose me. Never.”
We stayed tangled like that, both of us holding on too tightly, like we were both afraid the other might disappear. And even with the fog of fear and doubt still clinging to me, I couldn’t deny the strange peace that came with his heartbeat against my ear.
After a while, I shifted on his lap, restless and aching, like my body couldn’t hold all the feelings flooding me. His heartbeat thudded steady beneath my cheek, grounding me and undoing me all at once.
“I need you,” I whispered, the words tumbling out before I could second-guess them. They felt raw, stripped down to the bone. “I need you to prove I’m not wrong for choosing you.”
His large hand slid up my back, slow and tender, until it cradled the back of my neck. He tilted my head just enough to meet his gaze. His eyes burned with something fierce, something desperate, but gentled at the edges when they rested on me.
“You’re never wrong for wanting me,” he said, voice gentle. “Never wrong for needing me.”
