Page 103 of Nearly Roadkill
On to the next missive.
Dear Winc,
Hey babe, remember me? ::wicked chuckle:: We got it on a couple of months ago. ::dangling long-handled spoon in front of your eyes to jog your memory::
Look, I just wanted to see if I could help—somehow. I know you’re a dyke, even if those stupid cops can’t figure it out. First time lesbian invisibility came in *handy*, huh?
Keep on doing what you need to do, girl. We’re all proud of you for taking the heat. Speaking of heat…
::curling my finger between your collar and your throat::
Until we meet again.
—MstrssBoot
“What the hell did they do with the long-handled spoon?” muses Budge aloud. He reads another:
Dear Winc,
You are going right to HELL! You are so sick you make me and every good person I know want to throw up. And if you ever show anyone the log of the filthy things you made me do online with you, I will tell them that you did it not me so you might as well throw that log away and never show it to anyone ever.
Amused and alarmed, Budge notes the address as one Senator Jesse Helms, one of the most vocal opponents of anything having to do with lesbian and gay people. But he figures no one deserves this next one…
DIE YOU FAGGOT WINK ASSHOLE-SUCKING HIPPIE SHIT, I HOPE THE COPS FUCKING TEAR YOUR FINGERS OFF
… and probably no one really deserved this one either…
Dear Mr. Winc,
We’d like to speak with you and Mr. Scratch concerning a made-for-television movie we’re pitching. No promises, of course. But I think the climate is right, and you could walk out of this deal a very rich man. Please contact me soonest.
John Lancer, assistant to Barry Dillard
Paramount Television
Wally Budge stares out the window at the clouds. “Maybe they’ll make me a very rich man for being the cop who catches them,” he muses. One more hour of the flight, then the half-hour helicopter ride to Coney Island. Budge has finished Winc’s mail and is reading his own, which isn’t much better.
Lieut. W. Budge—
As legal liaison for Family Values Above All (FVAA), I wanted you to have an advance copy of an article we hope to have released in the Washington Post this Sunday.
We stand behind you, Lieutenant. Please call on us, and God be with you.
—Amos Rafferty, D.D., Esq.
Budge grunts once and scans the press release:
FAMILY NEWS
HARD-CORECHILDPORNHITSINTERNET
By Matt Holloway, staff writer for Concerned Parents Digest
The infamous “Scratch” and “Winc” are currently at large, transmitting obscenity through interstate phone lines via the Internet. The case opens the eyes of the computer network industry, good Christians everywhere, and all concerned parents. There can beno denying the rampant and growing availability and acceptance of sexually explicit images and the eroding control of parents over the information their children take in.
Apparently Scratch and Winc are responsible for bringing rain to the desert, driving children away from parents, solving the problems of quantum physics and/or operating a huge contraband ring.
