Page 72 of Nearly Roadkill
P.P.S. You requested wording of the law making Registration mandatory. Attached Executive Order from the president. Note: Section 3, Paragraph 6: Enforcement, Arrest and Arraignment
Budge writes a conversation with himself on a yellow legal pad:
Who are these guys? Gals. Whatevers.
They’re my perps, that’s who they are.
But what exactly are they perpetrating?
He takes a deep drag on his cigarette.
Is there any criminal intent in this dance of theirs?
Doesn’t matter. There’s a law, and they’re breaking it.
“Alright Miss/Mister Toobe,” he says out loud in his best Telly Savalas, “ready or not, here I come.”
END JABBA NARRATIVE ENTRY
05ARE WE ON, BUTCH?
TOOBE ENTRY
FUNNY OF THE DAY
My writing is as clear as mud, but mud settles and clear streams run on and disappear…
—Gertrude Stein, Lectures in America
(It was Scratch who turned me on to Gertrude Stein.)
I don’t see how monks wrote down everything in history without freaking out over their scrolls and spilling ink all over the place. No wonder history is all screwed up. This was in the paper today; if I were a monk writing this out, there’d be this big blot of ink messing up the screen:
“VADERS” IDENTIFIED BYNETPOLICE
by Thomas Fulton
An unnamed official close to the president has indicated that the Federal Bureau of Census and Statistics is rapidly closing in on two Registration evaders, known as Vaders. Longtime abusers of the Internet, the suspects are known as “Scratch” and “Winc.” Their real names were not released.
The anonymous source said that the two Vaders first came to FBCS attention because they are not Registered. In addition, Scratch and Winc are only two of many aliases used by the pair.
“Of course, that in itself is not a crime,” said LaBouchere, who refused to confirm or deny that these two have been targeted, “but any extraordinary number of screen names held by a single individual is what sends our antennae up. If we discover that none of the aliases are Registered, we know we have a criminal profile.”
Again, the undersecretary refused to admit that the aforementioned Scratch and Winc fall into that category, but this reporter can read the writing on the cyber-walls. Can you, Scratch and Winc?
Jesus fucking Christ! What is the crime? Hundreds of people must fit that profile. Why those two? I’m Registered, but I use lots of different personas too. I got into this stuff for more freedom, not less!
END TOOBE ENTRY
NARRATIVE ENTRY, JABBATHEHUT
Budge has been staring into the screen for the past five hours. His fingers dance across the keyboard. He’s found a room entitled, “Don’t Send Me Private Messages,” so he can practice how to “surf” the internet. And an unwanted guest has shown up.
Private Message to Ms. Budge
GoodGuy:I just want to get to know you, that’s all. I won’t hurt you, really.
Ms. Budge:Dammit, I am *not* a woman, knock it off, will you?
