Page 66 of Nearly Roadkill
Winc:::looking back, grateful:: You’re still trying to find out what I “really” am, but I’m *being* who I really am! Right now. We’re talking about all ofus being boy and girl inside, not what we live as in the so-called real world.
Scratch:Right, sorry.
Winc:But at the risk of breaking out into song, I enjoy being a girl.
Scratch:::softly:: What is boy? What is girl? Heehee.
Winc:Right, good point, but I’m just getting into exploring something, a softer strength, and that’s *amazing* to me.
Scratch:Yes. You mean not just the sex of girl, but a feminine kind of girl?
Winc:Yes. ::softly:: I always thought I was too tall, awkward to be feminine that it’d be really, really stupid. ::looking off into the forest::
Scratch:Wow. I just realized that if you really are a girl, that sentence would fit. And if you really are a boy, it would, too.
Winc:::shrugging:: Yeah…
Scratch:OK. See, what really gets me with these boxes is that people might miss out on how wonderful you are…
Winc:::blushing::
Scratch:… because of the *packaging*. We all miss each other that way.
Winc:::gently:: You can’t prevent that.
Scratch:I feel stuck in my real-life persona, but I love exploring variations. It’s so heady. I never got to be this particular form of human until now, online.
Winc:You mean, you’re a guy, but you’re being a particular kind of guy for once? Or you’re a girl, and you’re being a particular kind of girl right now?
Scratch:Yes! I can be androgynous, but I’m exploring something more specific.
Winc:::looking up at you, questioning::
Scratch:I’m not trying to be coy. I just want to keep the discussion more abstract. As soon as we know each other’s sexes, it limits us.
Winc:You mean genders.
Scratch:Oh, yeah. Sex means something else, eh?
Winc:Right, I use sex to mean biological distinction. Gender is a personal or cultural category of human.
Scratch:Sex is biology… gender is… wow. Gonna have to think about that one.
Winc:Uh huh. So what is it you’re exploring?
Scratch:That lots of people respond *sexually* to this form of me. Some of them wish I would be more yang, some more yin, but there’s still a sexual response! From different levels within one gender, and from different genders.
Winc:Whoa!
Scratch:Yeah! I get more yang when more yin types are around. It’s weird.
Winc:::settling back against a large tree, listening, fascinated:: You mean, if you’re being a hippie boy, you get more response from hippie girls, and if you’re being a gay man, you get responses from other gay men.
Scratch:Yes. But it goes deeper. Within the gay men’s group, there are maybe 100 other more ways of being yin and yang. Like you just keep going down down down into the variations.
Winc:::a bit confused:: You mean like people have to go *some* kind of yin when someone else is yang?
Scratch:Exactly! They can’t help it! Even if they’re really macho with one kind of person, if they met up with another macho person, they might get less macho.
