Page 183 of Nearly Roadkill
But it was some time at three this morning that I realized it was Toobe who had saved me, not I him. And so, when I discovered one node still functioning, I decided to end my own strike against the world and at least facilitate the wishes of my beloved charge.
It was quite simple to arrange an electronic soldier to attack the node. In a matter of minutes, the last node shut down.
Fighting, but perhaps not God any longer,
—J.
END JABBA PERSONAL LOG
SPECIAL ON-SCENE REPORT FROM RAP SHOOPMAN, ARCHIVAL TRANSCRIPT
Shoopman:Scratch and Winc came out of the hotel, and they sure didn’t look like fugitives. One’s short, the other tall, they had their arms around each other, looking kind of spacey. They seemed to be in no hurry to get to their car, which they drove perhaps a block before they were stopped. All of a sudden, they were surrounded by police, and they looked absolutely stunned.
Now, get this: They were stopped for a traffic violation! I’m not making this up. Scratch had a fistful of old parking tickets now goneto warrant—the plate was already in the system. The officer on duty immediately saw the connection to America’s most wanted and called for more backup. And then, well it all went to comedy.
The government agents pushed through the crowd to reach the scene. The NYPD was yelling and waving their arms at the government cops to lay off their collar. In the confusion, no one was watching Scratch or Winc, who were sitting there in the car, spaced out.
As I’m talking, the local cops and the feds are at some kind of bureaucratic standoff, and no one has approached the car.
TOOBE ENTRY
I’d been in touch with Scratch and Winc, but suddenly they were offline, doing what, I have no idea. Once everything started coming down, I just wanted to be with my dad. I hugged Gwynyth goodbye quickly (her not so quickly), hopped the train, and when I got off at his stop, there he was. I felt better immediately. We had to know what was going on with all my pals, so he and I nonchalantly walked the few blocks down to the EcoTech office. A bunch of people were partying in the street, plus there were some reporters. My dad and I blended into the crowd, and we just hung out. It was great watching everybody mill around in the street!
END TOOBE ENTRY
SCRATCH JOURNAL ENTRY
We were so dreamy we could hardly stand. Hey, you would be too if you’d just had that kind of fuckfest. Aw man, if I’d had my antenna up I never would have let us walk out of that hotel.
Goddamn parking tickets. Do they have nothing better than to go after people with parking tickets? Did you know when a cop sees the warrant in the database the arresting officer has no idea if it’s for illegal parking or murder?
I got this flash of jail, then my stomach went totally cold when I realized it would be worse for Winc. Hir license still says male, so she wouldn’t be sent to a women’s prison. Totally fucked. All I could think of was to run. We quietly slipped out of the car and took off down the alley like our shoes were on fire. NO ONE WAS WATCHING US!
Yeah, I know I just yelled that. But really, all the cops were just standing there, yelling at each other, so we got a head start before someone noticed. I really thought we were going to make it. Then shots behind us, like firecrackers only louder. Then Winc fell down. They fucking shot Winc!
END SCRATCH JOURNAL ENTRY
To:Editor, They/Them magazine
From:D.I. Drew
Subject:Who’s what where?
Hi Asa,
I had to study more than a few archives to figure this out: At this point, Toobe is with his dad, Scratch and Winc are staggering around near the EcoTech building, and Gwynyth and Jabba are in their respective lairs.
Cheers,
Drew
TRANSCRIPT: NPR ALL THINGS CONSIDERED, SPECIAL EDITION
Shoopman:Apparently shots were fired at Scratch and Winc just moments ago, when they tried to run after a routine traffic stop connected them to a warrant for Scratch’s overdue parking tickets.
Officers had been instructed to proceed with extreme caution. Nevertheless, one officer drew his weapon and fired. It is not known at this point if anyone was hit, but for all intents and purposes, Scratch and Winc are still at large.
This places the balance of the hunt-and-chase in the hands of Lieutenant Wallace T. Budge of the Federal Bureau of Census and Statistics… the man responsible for the Coney Island fiasco only weeks ago. His was the first in a series of fruitless government raids on the nation’s amusement parks. We will keep you posted as we await further developments.
