Page 148 of Nearly Roadkill
From:Undersec’y LaBouchere
Subj:Excuse me, but…
I’m so sorry to disturb your dinner, Lieutenant, but I just received this little item, and I’d *really* like to answer it soon.
—L.
To:Undersec’y LaBouchere
From:Director of Small Budgets, office of POTUS
Subj:Confidential
Madam,
I hope you are well.
Things are getting out of control. In-baskets are jammed with nothing but mail about Scratch and Winc. The allegations are alarming, as is the increasing number of people claiming to be Scratch and Winc, and the resulting disrespect they are paying to their targeted advertising, as evidenced by the sharp rise in rude return emails.
Margaret, please have a look at the attached list of suspect events, crimes, threats, and heroics.
We want to know does it all come down to the two prime suspects?
who are the real Scratch and Winc,
where are they, and
how much of this dog’s breakfast is true.
Answers. Now.
Yours truly,
DSB, Office of POTUS
POTUS! Wally Budge’s eyes do a cartoon bulge as he reads down the list of events, crimes, threats, and heroics attributed to our stalwart cyberfreaks, his eyes growing wider as he proceeds from plot to theft, prank to lurid sexual exploit, and finally to a list of a dozen suspect organizations, each claiming responsibility for the outlaw antics.
He dashes off an email to the undersecretary.
To:Undersec’y LaBouchere
From:Ms. Budge
Subj:Allegations
Ma’am: The White House can’t be seriously thinking these two goofballs are *doing* all this, can they?
—B.
Of course they can be thinking that. Why not? Everyone else is thinking it. He stabs at the well-wornDELETEbutton and starts again in a vain attempt to dismiss the ridiculous theories.
He settles on a placating return email, then pressesSEND, shaking his massive head. Enough foolishness. Time to be a cop.
His phone rings; he picks up. There’s that throaty laugh. He starts to grin.
“Hello, Lieutenant. I had to ask you, maybe you could trap them in a chat room?”
He’s grinning ear to ear now.
