Page 114 of Nearly Roadkill
They looked at each other in surprise for a second. Then they cracked up.
Then their fight started again.
First, Winc pointed out that Scratch’s theories about everybody just being human weren’t working since ze obviously couldn’t handle Winc.
Then Scratch saw that Winc was getting dressed back in women’s clothes and said, “I thought you were going to be neutral, a no-gender creature.”
I was beginning to feel less scared and more tired of it all. They sounded like little brats! Gwynyth told me it was a good sign when that happened, but I didn’t get it.
“They’re running out of steam, child,” was all she’d say.
END TOOBE ENTRY
GWYNYTH DIARY ENTRY
To:Jabbathehut
From:Gwynyth
Subj:Three Blind Mice
Toobe calls them The Mighty Morphin’ Ninja Turtle Rangers. I call them “The Three Stooges.” Whatever they are, they are safe from any immediate danger. Thank you for your caution as to my privacy, but I am quite delighted at present.
Still I’m concerned that the Police State has added “Kidnapping” and “Corruption of a Minor” to the growing list of non-charges for the other two. It’s all over the media and the Net. They must go their separate ways. They had no *overt* objections to spending time away from each other.
Poor children! I’m sorely tempted to intervene with a lovers’ spell, but I’ve lived this long without resorting to one of those, as well you know.
Will write more as it surfaces.
—Gwyn
P.S. I won’t be charging you for any of this. I haven’t had this much fun since the day we hacked our way into Fort Monmouth and left all those pictures!
P.P.S. Have rerouted my phone lines to appear as located in Six Flags Amusement Park in California. That should keep the hounds at bay. Monterey Bay. Hahaha! See what I did there?
END GWYNYTH DIARY ENTRY
TOOBE ENTRY
Gwynyth’s got this cool beard! More than I can grow. I noticed Winc looking at it a lot. We haven’t had a chance to talk in private yet; it’s been too crazy.
Everybody was bouncing around, reacting to all the stuff we’d just been through. Gwynyth shed some light on Jabba’s ways, how she “never deals in possibilities,” only sure things. I told Scratch and Winc I needed them to be with me. It helped to see my friends. That even seemed to make them feel better.
Scratch and Winc are going back home, but Gwynyth’s giving them cool bypasses to avoid detection: all leading back to amusement parksaround the country, and there are hundreds of them! I made the mistake of asking Gwynyth why amusement parks, and she got out this album with postcards and photos of every single fun park in it, and lots of close-ups of the roller coasters. A whole album full. It took a couple of hours, but her stories made it fun.
As they were getting ready to leave, Scratch was calmer again. “Okay, just tell me,” ze said to Winc. “If you’re big on not being a woman or a man, why do you wear women’s clothing?”
“I’ve answered that question every way I can! What do you want me to do, break out singing ‘I Enjoy Being a Girl’? Look, Scratch, just how far do you think I’d get if I let my beard grow and walked around in a dress?”
Gwynyth snorted at that one, but she didn’t say anything. Winc must’ve heard her, cuz ze went all red but kept talking. I never knew Winc had to shave!
“Or maybe you’d rather I wore men’s clothes and a mustache but you could see my breasts?”
Scratch looked like one of those surreal pictures where light shines down on somebody from out of the sky.
“Oh, man,” ze said. “You speak truth, my friend.”
Then Scratch shared what it was like to walk around on the street in anywhere but a big city. Scratch was dressed as hir normal self I guess, with jeans and a T-shirt and boots.
