Page 51 of Facing the Enemy
“No,” I whispered. “Can’t sleep. Trying to make sense of what we know slamming against the many unanswered questions.”
“Are you angry with me? I know I made a mess of things.”
I’d keep my convictions to myself. “No reason for me to be upset when you used your best conceivable way to tell me the truth. My concern is ensuring justice is served and to ease your mind about your mother and baby brother’s safety.”
I pointed to the sofa. The Sig lay in my purse. “Have a seat.” When he did, I forced a smile I didn’t feel. I didn’t trust him, but I refused to let it show. I retrieved my purse across the room under the pretense of a pen to take notes on the hotel’s scratch pad. “Take a deep breath. For the record, your short story gave you an A for the class.”
“At whose expense?”
I heard the remorse. “Are you blaming yourself for my brother’s death?”
He turned away, tapped the chair arm, then back to me. “Kind of. Maybe I could have shouted at you or come inside the restaurant and warned you the guy and my stepdad were following you.”
“Please, don’t beat yourself up for a crime not of your doing. It’s not your fault—I should know since I’ve done it enough.”
“You? But you were nearly killed.”
“I was the intended target, remember? I’m working hard to forgive myself, and honestly, the blame isn’t for you or me to carry.”
“I understand what you’re saying, but it’s hard to accept. The ‘If’ poem by Rudyard Kipling keeps rolling through my head, about whatit takes to be a moral and ethical man. I had to memorize it my junior year of high school, and it’s stuck with me about how to live my life.” He shook his head. “My dad memorized it with me. Another reason why this whole thing is hard.”
“I’d like to hear it.”
“Seriously? It’s nearing two in the morning.”
“Can’t think of a better time.”
Carson took a deep breath and recited the poem. His eyes pooled.
Could he be the real thing? If only I had transparent vision to discern between the lies and truth. “What does Kipling’s poem say to you?”
He blinked. “If I’m to be a man of truth and take a stand on what I feel is right, then I must be ready to stand alone, to choose the positive instead of the negative. But I also need to seek humility and accept my faults. Not complain but learn from my mistakes.”
I crossed my arms over my chest. “How do those things apply to what you’re facing now?”
“I wanted to protect those I love. Still do. I’ve made stupid mistakes. Lots of them. The man-thing to do is face what I’ve done and accept the consequences no matter what they are. I’d like to be wrong about my dad, but I hope not. I will tell the truth as I know it.”
A deep-thinking young man who carried far too much weight on his shoulders. “One day you’ll see the heartache today has made you stronger, and you’ll be able to help someone who is struggling.”
“I hope so. My girlfriend understood me until I weirded out on her.”
“If she’s the right one for you, you’ll get back together. Carson, it takes time for all of us to evaluate our life experiences and grow into commendable people. But we won’t ever get it right in this life. When we fall, we get back up. And sometimes God puts the right people in our lives to help us walk on the hot coals.”
He blew out emotion. “I think that’s you, my prof with an attitude.”
I waved my hand in front of my face. “Don’t get me all emotional. Let’s talk about something else before we’re both bawling and squalling. Did you receive a text from your parents?”
“Yes. I answered like you and Gage suggested.”
“Tell me about your baby brother.”
“Miss Jacobs, he’s so cute.” Carson’s face beamed. “Three months old, and he’s growing so fast. He laughs and likes for me to talk to him.” He reached out with his right hand. “When he reaches out and grabs on to my finger, I keep thinking one day I’ll have a kid of my own.” He shook his head. “Sorta dumb, right?”
“Not at all. You’ll be a great dad, I’m sure.”
“Gotta get an education and find the right girl first.”
Was this a charade, the means to blame his stepdad for a murder? “Sounds like before all this happened, you and your stepdad were close.”
