Page 29 of Barn Burner
He chuckles. “I didn’t do any runnin’. My dad would’ve kicked my ass. But ten years ago, you never would have caught me sittin’ out on my porch in the evening, just looking out at the fields.” Our eyes meet again, and I swallow hard at the almost sad flicker in his eyes. “It’s the favourite part of my day now. And enjoyin’ it with you these last few weeks has made it all the more.”
My throat becomes thick with emotion. I lick over my lips, swallowing a few more times to try and dislodge the knot that’s forming. I don’t know what it is about him bringing me here that’s made me so fucking emotional.
Maybe it’s the significance of how far I’ve come mentally and emotionally since that day I left my house back in Calgary to come out here and find myself again. I mean, sure, it’s been a lot easier to block it all out because being out here, I’m separatedfrom the world I live in. I’ve been ignoring my phone except for the odd message to my brother or my parents. I removed all the social media apps, and I’ve resisted the urge to search my name to see what other bullshit the journalists are writing about me.
I’ve been so entranced by the man before me. Nothing else mattered except him.
Sucking in a shaky breath, I return my gaze to the view of the lake and the mountains. I don’t want to bring up what’s waiting for me back in Calgary, but there’s something inside me that wants to let Jesse in. To give him an insight into where my mind was when he found me that day.
“Do you ever feel like you’re disappointing everyone? Like everyone has these expectations of you, and you fail to meet any of them?”
“Sometimes.”
I cock my head to look at him again, surprised by his answer. “Really?”
“Mhm. I’m the eldest child, Brayden. It’s kinda natural to put all the pressure on them.”
I huff a quiet laugh. “I never really had that with Jude. Maybe it’s because there’s only three years between us. We’ve always been pretty close.”
“Do you get to see him much?”
I shake my head. “Nah. A few times a year at most. He came over for a few weeks this summer, but we’re both living our lives now.”
A few people mill around us, taking photos and appreciating the scenery. Jesse and I are quiet for a while, except for the times he points out some of the wildlife in the forest below us.
“He met this really great guy over the summer, and he’s the happiest he’s ever been, and that’s all I’ve ever wanted for him…”
“Do you wish you could have that for yourself?” Jesse asks.
“Yeah,” I sigh sadly. “I guess I do.”
Being out here really puts things into perspective. Everything else seems so… insignificant. As humans, we spend so much of our lives worrying about the wrong things, allowing the pressures of others’ expectations to weigh us down. We allow society to dictate what or where we should be at certain phases in our lives, but in the end, does it really matter?
When I hang up my skates, will the people of Calgary remember me? Or will they forget about me the moment my name tag is ripped off my locker stall? Will they remember all the game-winning goals I scored or the fact that I was a part of the team that saw the Bobcats going to the Stanley Cup Finals for the first time in thirty-six years?
They last won when Jesse was born.
Maybe he’s their lucky charm.Maybe he could be my lucky charm.
I inwardly roll my eyes at myself. Fucking hockey players and our dumbass superstitions.
But… What if? What if I could have both?
I startle when Jesse’s hand cups my cheek, tilting my head to look at him. The viewpoint has emptied out now with the sun starting to fall behind the mountains, creating a soft halo behind him. His thumb traces over my upper lip, then pulls my bottom lip down slightly.
“You’re thinkin’ too hard, and I didn’t bring you here to think.”
Unable to stop myself from doing what I do best and deflecting, I smirk and drop my voice to ask, “What did you bring me here for? ’Cause I saw some pretty big trees down there. Big enough for us to hide behind while I suck your dick.”
“Jesus Christ, Brayden,” he mutters, running his thumb over my lips. “You have such a wicked mouth.”
“I’ll show you just how wicked it can be.” I wink, earning myself one of Jesse’s gorgeous smiles.
Instead of answering me, he closes the distance and kisses me. I curl my fingers into the soft material of his plaid shirt and melt into him. Jesse nips my bottom lip, his signal to let me know we’re done kissing for now. I groan and reluctantly let go of his shirt.
“We should head back before it gets too late,” he says, taking a step around me, and swats my ass. “I’ve got one more thing to show you before the night’s out.”
We end up stopping at a restaurant in Canmore to grab some food before getting back on the road, so by the time we arrive back at the ranch, the sun has set. Bypassing the main house, Jesse continues up the gravel track and parks his truck near the barn.
