Page 39 of The Scot Who Loved Me
The wee life that once grew in Anne’s belly had proved it.
She rubbed a circle over her womb. “Morag warned me not to follow the drum.” Her eyes sought his. “A war camp is no place to bring a babe into the world.”
Will dragged in a long deep breath and righted himself. His eyes offered tacit agreement.
“It was no longer just you and me. I had a child to think of.” Her throat clogged. She couldn’t cry. Her well of tears had gone bone-dry long ago.
Yet, she still hurt. Breathing, standing, talking. Old secrets carried crushing agony. She’d been drowning under the weight too long.
“Where is the child now?” Will’s voice was a spare rumble.
Hands trembling, she clutched her stomacher. “She died in my womb. Not long after you left.”
“She?”
A jerky shake of her head and, “I just... knew.”
The final piece of her secret was out—the loss of her unborn daughter. A tear threatened to come. How she missed that little girl. She still dreamed of her. In quiet times, her heart conjured images of what could’ve been. The girlish giggles. Running with her in the sun. The sweet childish kisses on her cheek.
Will’s head hung low. “I’m sorry, lass.”
She wanted to stroke his hair, to comfort him, but theirs was a connection weathered by time. A lustful touch would satisfy the flesh, but a cosseting touch, with her soul laid bare and his defenses weak?
Frightening.
She could lead him into her unlit salon, lie down on her narrow settee, and bare herself to him. To what end? Touching Will would lead only to hurt. Once she had the gold, he would leave to find his kin and she would go north, as planned. Will was destined to find his father; she was destined to save their clan. Their futures couldn’t be more opposite.
Will was still staring at the floor, his hand covering his mouth. What more could he say? Eight years put much distance between them. What were mere words spoken to him equated to a new life that had once grown inside her. There was no joining, no erasing, no healing. Relief in the telling washed her clean. Her secret would quietly ebb as sad secrets did.
With careful hands, she opened a drawer in the table and touched a taper to the sconce. The humble flame showed Will had come a step closer. One pinch and the stubby sconce candle was out.
“Why did you marry Angus MacDonald?” he asked, his voice peculiar and calm.
She stilled.Don’t do this, Will.
“The babe was gone before I married Angus.”
Not a direct answer to his direct question, but it got the job done. Wild dawning flared across Will’s face, probably from the notion that she could have married Angus with Will’s babe in her. She wouldn’t have. Therein, was another tetchy point—having been the one left to face the consequences of their choices. It rankled then and it rankled now.
But Will was hunting a meatier point. He held her gaze, his jaw tense.
“Couldn’t you have waited?” Each word was razor sharp.
Couldn’t you have waited for me?was the message in gold eyes burning bright.
She trembled anew, with anger this time. The emotion welled up and burst. “I could ask the same of you! Why didn’t you wait for me?”
Her hair fell across her eyes. They were toe to toe, their harsh voices low in deference to the household. Morag had delayed her running to tell Will because the older woman feared she’d throw caution to the wind and follow Will after all. She’d brought Aunt Flora as reinforcement. Had it been an hour? Half an hour that she’d spent stunned at the news of a child, then assuring Morag and Aunt Flora that she wouldn’t follow the drum?
Such costly minutes those were.
“I ran to tell you about the babe but...you... weren’t... there!” Her words sliced with accusation.
Will’s eyes were stern slits. He was flint to her steel.
If he wanted to go down this path, then by all that was holy, she’d take him.
“I searched everywhere!” she hissed. “A passing shepherd boy had to tell me you’d already left with two outriders.” She gripped a handful of his velvet coat and yanked with all her might, but Will was a fortress. He hardly moved. “War and rebellion... that’s what you really wanted.” She breathed against him in cold fury. “You couldn’t even wait for me!”
