Page 148 of Broken Breath
I stare at my hands, picking at the edge of my nail.
“Alaina,” Dane says softly, “I know you don’t want to die.”
“I…” I start, but choke on the rest.
“I know,” he says again, not missing a beat. “I know youwantedto. At first, for a long while, and that’s okay, I get it. It was hell, and nobody’s blaming you for wanting to be done with it.” I inhale through my nose, but the air in the bus feels too thin. “But you’re not there anymore.”
Hunching my shoulders, I fold in on myself, and this time, Luc isn’t here to keep me together.
“There are options now.Solutions,” Dane presses. “I know I made you a promise before that I won’t be keeping, but I’m making a new one now.”
I glance over, frowning. “What promise?”
He leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “If youreallytry, if you give life a real fighting chance, like you gave this whole revenge thing. Another surgery. Therapy. Talking to your friends, all of it.”
He inhales, then carries on like he’s afraid to lose my attention.
“Give it three years.Three yearsof trying everything, and if it doesn’t work, if after three years, nothing helps, and the pain’s still killing you?” He looks me dead in the eye. “I’ll help you. I’ll fly you to Switzerland myself, where it’s legal. I’ll make sure it’s as easy and painless as possible, and I’ll let you go.”
The tears burn behind my eyes before I can stop them. “Dane…”
“I mean it,” he says softly, but it feels like iron between us. “That’s my promise, but only if we’ve triedeverything.”
“I’m tired of trying,” I whisper, voice cracking. “I’m just… I’m tired, Dane.”
“Youhaven’ttried, not really.”
Rage overtakes me so quickly, I can’t stop it from bubbling over. “That’s not fair, I’ve done fucking every?—”
“Itis,” he cuts in. “You haven’t tried tolive. You’ve just been running on hate and vengeance.Surviving, not living. It’s all been about revenge, about Raine. That’s not the same thing, and even that’s changed.” He looks at me, something like hope softening his voice. “It’s race three, Alaina.Three.Raine’s here, right in front of you, but you haven’t talked about him much. You haven’t even looked for him, to my knowledge.”
I stiffen. “That’s not true.”
“You used to talk about him constantly. Forseven years, it was all about him, and now?” Dane shrugs. “Now you’ve got a life outside of him. He barely registers.” I bite the inside of my cheek, wanting to deny it, but he just keeps talking. “And you like it, letting people in. I can see it. You’re letting yourself have something outside of revenge.”
I shake my head, but I can’t argue with him, because the words are stuck in my throat. It feels too big, too much.
“All I’m asking is… let yourself keep liking it. Reallytry. Not just for me, for you.”
I look away from him and lock my gaze on the ceiling above my bunk, tracing every shadow, every line, as if I focus hard enough, I can keep the pressure from cracking me open.
“Can you give me that promise, Speedbump?” His tone is even, but his hope behind the words is obvious.
God, it hurts to breathe. I want to say yes, Iwantto give him that.
“I…” My voice breaks. “I can’t.”
Not yet,something inside me screams, and Dane seemsto know because he doesn’t push. He leans back like he knows I’m hanging on by threads, and any more talk will send me falling. “The offer stands.”
The quiet between us settles again, but the space between us feels softer than it’s been in weeks.
Not quite as suffocating.
Not quite as sharp.
“Okay,” I whisper.
It’s barely a sound, but it’s all I can give him.
