Page 129 of Broken Breath
“Yeah,” I say too fast. “I’m good.”
I’m not.
Not even close.
I should tell him, spit it out and let it wreck me, but the words stay lodged in my throat. Putting more weight on Dane right now? I can’t do that. He’s already carrying enough. And truthfully,I’m a fucking coward.
I just got Dane and Alaina back, this fragile piece of my past that I’ve been clawing toward for years. I can’t lose it already, not when I just lost the future I was supposed to have, and not when Kevin and Rachel are texting me every day for updates, and I’m lying my ass off to them too.
I’m a disappointment to them and to Dane and Alaina, most of all. So what’s one more lie? To hold the pieces together a little longer before everything falls apart.
Just until the end of the season.
Everything that comes after is already fucked anyway.
I exhale slowly through my nose and glance out at the course like the wind might carry this guilt out of my lungs, might whisper back a version of myself that isn’t always fucking everything up.
But I have to saysomething. If I don’t, Alaina or I might slip, and Dane will notice, if she hasn’t told him already.
Fuck,didshe tell him something?
“She knows. Alaina. She found out I know about her.”
Dane’s head whips toward me. “She mad?”
Apparently,she didn’t.
I open my mouth, then close it again.
Is she mad?Probably, and hurt, but not for the reason Dane thinks.
“I don’t think so,” I murmur.
“Good.” Dane exhales sharply. “God, I’m relieved she knows. Not having to watch what I say is gonna be a fucking relief. I hate lying to her.”
I stare straight ahead, my heart heavy with the weight of everything.
I hate lying to you too.
Rubbing a hand over my jaw, I try to scrub the guilt off my skin. I should just keep my mouth shut, but the words are already pressing against my teeth, scraping at the back of my throat, desperate for a way out. I need to talk to somebody about this mess, but the Crews siblings are the only people I have.
“Hey, you ever have a friend who… umm…” I grimace, “… got too close to someone they shouldn’t have?”
He tilts his head, squinting a little. “Too close, like what? Cheating?”
“No. Not like that. Just… someone they shouldn’t feel that way about.”
Dane’s eyebrows pull together. “Don’t tell me you’re talking about your ex. You didn’t go back to her, did you?”
The accusation hits so sideways I choke on it. “What? No!” I shake my head hard. “That ship’s sunk. Burned. Buried.Fuck her.” I breathe deep, scrub a hand down my face, and keep my voice even as I push out, “It’s about my friend, Dane.Friend, yeah?”
Dane snorts but plays along. “Sure. What did yourfrienddo, then?”
I roll my jaw and force the words out. “He crossed a line with someone he shouldn’t have.”
Dane lifts a brow, skeptical. “Why shouldn’t he cross that line?”
“Because she’s off-limits.”
