“Beckham,” he said, so quiet I had to ask him to repeat himself. “Ellis Beckham. That’s my name.”
He blinked and light flickered through his eyes. The empty black holes became a night sky filled with stars. All at once, he sat up, dislodging one of the monitors connected to him and causing themachines to start beeping. Yet, he didn’t even notice the noise as he grabbed my hand.
“Ellis Beckham. I’m Ellis Beckham. I remember everything. I remember…”
Just as quickly as he grabbed me, he suddenly froze. The light that had glittered so joyously in his eyes dimmed and was replaced by beautiful but horrifying tears.
“I remember everything. Oh God. Aaron. He… I…”
With each word his voice died a little more until he couldn’t utter a sound.
Yesterday, I’d been convinced that keeping as much distance between Ellis and myself was the best choice. An hour ago, I was questioning that decision, but I still wasn’t convinced that getting involved with him was the right thing to do.
The sound of his sobs broke me.
Seeing him sitting there on that too small hospital bed, body heaving as he cried into the shelter of his own hands, what else could I do?
I squeezed myself onto the edge of the bed, wrapped my arm around his shoulder, and held him close as he cried. I had no idea what he’d remembered that upset him so much, but it didn’t matter. I didn’t need to know the meaning behind his tears to comfort him through them.
Eventually, he managed to calm down enough to talk, though the tears kept trickling from his eyes. He told me about his older brother, who’d been fighting a losing battle against cancer until a cult seduced him away with fake promises. Then, in his finaldays, Aaron had returned, with an antique key in hand and a tall order for Ellis to fulfill.
“He made me promise not to bother with a proper burial,” Ellis said after blowing his nose for the dozenth time. “There wasn’t time. These—what were they called?The Tamed Souls?—These Tamed Soul bastards were coming after me for the key that Aaron stole. He wanted me to just leave him in the motel for the police to eventually find, but I couldn’t just abandon his body like that. I wrapped it up in some sheets and found a peaceful spot in the woods to bury him. He was right. I shouldn’t have taken the time. That’s why the cult managed to catch up to me. I managed to escape, but I knew they were right behind me. So, I hid the key just in case I was caught and headed up into the mountains to hide out as long as I could.”
“And then I dropped a tree on you,” I concluded. Even though he’d stopped crying, I kept my arms wrapped around him. I couldn’t deny how good it felt to hold him close. “I’m glad you got your memories back, and that your name really is Ellis. It would be weird to find out I’d been calling you by the wrong name all this time.”
“I wouldn’t mind any name you wanted to call me.”
It was obvious he spoke without thinking. His face was half-buried against the hollow of my shoulder, and I could feel the heat from his blush even through my shirt. My first instinct was to laugh it off and pretend he’d said nothing. It was so much easier to ignore things and avoid uncomfortable conversations.
But I couldn’t do that to him. I’d already messed up so much with him, it was time to step up and take responsibility.
“Ellis,” I began, not really sure where I was going with this. “Now that you’ve got your memories back, does that… does that change anything?”
He sat up enough to look at me. His hair was mussed up from sleeping for so long and stuck out in all directions.
“Change anything?” he asked. He must have noticed the direction of my gaze, for he started running his hands through his hair to try and tame the wild curls.
He only ended up making them worse, and I had to fight the urge to reach out and fix his hair for him.
“Yeah, like, should I be looking over my shoulder for a jealous husband or boyfriend that might want to take revenge on me?”
It was the first time I’d openly acknowledged what had transpired between us since the night it happened. The look of excitement and hope that lit up Ellis’s face made my stomach churn with even more guilt.
I really had fucked this up. No one should look that happy while sitting injured in a hospital bed.
“No, there’s no one,” he quickly assured me. “No husband or boyfriend. Not even any friends, really.”
He tried to laugh as if that last statement were a joke, but he couldn’t hide the obvious hurt in his voice or the way his words wobbled like they would fall apart at any minute.
“I mean, I did have friends. Once. But, when my brother got sick, taking care of him took all my time, and I found out that the people I thought were my friends were…”
Although he couldn’t seem to find the right explanation, I understood what he was trying to say.
“Fairweather friends?”
“Yes, exactly. Once I got busy and wasn’t“fun to be around”anymore, well, they stopped being around me. Honestly, I’m jealous of the relationship you have with Magnus. You guys are real friends. I don’t think I’ve ever known anything genuine like that, except maybe my brother, but he left me in the end as well. I think… maybe, I’m just not cut out for real relationships.”
“Hey, that’s not true.”