Page 2 of Grave Misgivings
At first, the label ran with it. Tried to play up the whole purity ring angle when they discovered I had one, while always showcasing me shirtless in promo and featuring me on all the talk shows to talk about it. Which was probably cute and attractive when I was twenty-nine, but now...
Now it’s just a whisper, and it’s not agoodwhisper.
How am I supposed to feel when everyone around me thinks I’m a fucking joke?
How is that supposed to make anyone feel confident and sexy?
I prop my leg out, swing my arm back so my leather jacket rises back enough to show the cut of my well-defined hipbones.
I guess the lack of a sex life is a win for the damn gym. It certainly helps take the edge off, most days.
I focus my gaze on the camera, channeling my best impression of Mateo Starr, the lead singer ofMage Of Mercyand the closest thing I have to a best friend nowadays since Zeb and I haven’t spoken in ten years.
Mateo is the most commanding, confident motherfucker I know, so it usually helps if I try to impersonate someone Iknowis sexy and can command attention.
“Oh, baby, that isfire!”Kevin says as the cameras flash. “Look at that fucking v! Delicious.”
His praise doesn’t feel as good as it should. Because this—clad in leather, showing off my muscles and making sex eyes at the camera—isn’t really me. Not by a long shot.
I don’t know who decided looking constipated and being dressed like a German fetishist was “hot”, but one day I’d like to have a word with them.
“Are we done?” I ask as the flashing stops.
“Yeah, I think we got some decent shots. You can wrap it up.”
I sigh in relief. I slide off my jacket, reaching for my tank top. My phone buzzes in my back pocket and I grab it once I’m dressed.
I see a couple texts. One from my sister begging me to call her, and one from Hailee Starr, the other half ofMage Of Mercy.
Celina, Hans, me and Mateo are going out for drinks. You free?
The invite isn’t what surprises me, but the fact Mateo is coming, does.
He’s been a bit sullen since his relationship with his actor ex took a turn for the worst. I don’t know the details, except for the fact that the man cheated on him, though I think there’s more to it than what Mateo wants to admit, and I won’t press him for it. If Mateo wants to take confession with me, that’s fine, but until then, I’m perfectly content to just have a few drinks with the guy and support him however he needs.
I text Hailee back with a thumbs up and she texts me the address and time, which makes me feel a little better.
Kevin claps me on the back. “You know I’m not trying to be a pain in your ass, right?” he says, imploring me with his deep brown eyes.
I’m comfortable enough in my own skin to admit Kevin’s an attractive guy, which is also why I don’t think he gets my resistance.
The man has probably never felt inadequate in his life, and I doubt he has a problem finding a girlfriend. Or boyfriend. Or something.
I’ve tried to date, really I have. But every woman I am interested in seems to think she’s going to be the one to taint my innocence or some shit, and then they’re downright pissed when I pump the brakes or tell them I don’t want to rush things.
What is wrong with wanting to get to know someone before the sex stuff?
What is wrong with wanting to fucking wait for therightperson?
I brush Kevin’s hand off my shoulder, knowing he’s nottryingto be a dick.
“I’d like to seeyouget in front of a camera and have a hundred pairs of eyes watching you. Telling you to grab your cock like you’re a piece of meat.”
Kevin sighs. “We’ve talked about this, Geo. The label wants?—”
“I know what the label wants,” I snap. “But what about what I want, Kev?” I head for the exit.
“What do you want, Geo? Some water, some chips, some?—”
