Page 34 of Grave Misgivings
I turn my car on, once againHeaven Sentis playing, and I change the channel.
I never intended on releasing the damn song, but Kevin found one of my old writing journals when we were moving to the newstudio last year, and thought it was completely fine to read all of my songs I’d written before I signed with the label.
Songs I never shared with anyone, not even Zeb.
“These are phenomenal, Geo. How come you don’t write stuff like this now?” he asked.
I only shrugged, because I was feeling super vulnerable and embarrassed that Kevin was perusing my emo Geo Graves stuff.
When I was performing as a Christian artist, my songs were always marketed as being about God, and I never really told my mom they weren’t.
But most of them were love songs about that perfect person I know exists, somewhere.
The one God chose for me, but I haven’t found yet.
I frown, becauseHeaven Sentalways reminds of Zeb.
I wrote it as the counterpart to his song,Hellbound, but no one actually knows that but me.
And if I’m being honest,Hellboundis so much better thanHeaven Sent.
He probably doesn’t even remember about our proposed double album. It was just an idea, at the time, and sometimes, I think if I didn’t get the record deal from Casualty, maybe we would have produced it together.
Maybe we could have departed from Geo Graves and formed our own act.
But I guess I’ll never know what would have been, because I chose Hollywood instead. I choseGravedigger.
“Then tell me what it’s like, Katy, please,” I snap.
She sighs. “Just think about it at least, okay? You know it’s quiet here, you can relax and not have to worry about being hounded by paps, for one thing.”
I chew on my bottom lip, because she’s right on that account, at least, but I don’t want to tell her that. I need to stand my ground.
She pauses for a moment, her voice taking on a cautious tone. “Besides. Zeb’s here.”
I grind my jaw a bit at her words, because I don’t know how to respond. I know he and Katy are tighter than a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, but the last thing I want to discuss with my sister is... him.
At least right now.
Panic floods me and I wonder if this is really such a good idea.
Going home.
Seeing my family.
Seeing Zeb.
What if... what if he’s just, like, being polite?
What if he doesn’t really want to see me, but doesn’t want to hurt my feelings?
What if I go home and nothing has changed?
What if I go home and everything has changed?
Katy’s voice softens. “It’s where youshouldbe, Geo.”
“I should be at the studio right now, Katy,” I fire back harshly.
