Page 103 of Grave Misgivings
CHAPTER 25
Geo
“You sounded great up there!”Kevin pats me on the back as he heads backstage.
I sigh, knowing I should feel excitement and happiness because Ididsound really good. Better than I have at the last few shows, even I know that.
But despite sounding good, I don’tfeelgood.
In fact, I feel like shit.
I know I can’t blame my mood entirely on the alcohol, though.
“Thanks,” I reply as I slide my hands in my pockets, taking a look at the empty stadium before me.
I take in the sight of the rows and rows of seats that go so far back, they look like they’ll disappear into the night sky when it’s dark.
The place is filled with noise right now, but it’s an ambient sort of noise.
Wheels of carts scratching on concrete, echoes of stagehands chattering, and faint melodies in the distance as assistants, managers, and musicians all scramble about to make sure everything is set up right, that everything is in its right place.
I suck in a deep breath as I look at the empty seats beneath the stadium lights, knowing that tomorrow this place will be full of thousands of people.
It’s a bittersweet thing, the calm before a big show.
“Hey…” Mateo’s voice pulls me from my thoughts and I realize I’m the only one still out here on the stage.Heart Killer’s good and gone.
“Hey,” I answer as he slowly ambles over to me.
“I noticed you were a little pitchy during that last verse inHeaven Sent,” he says calmly. He stands next to me, hands in his leather pants.
I purse my lips.
“And you looked a little lost when you were singingDevil In Me.”
“Yeah, I guess I’m a little distracted. Rough night.” I shrug. It’s not entirely untrue.
“Mhmm,” he murmurs as he takes a seat on the edge of the stage.
The sleek, long black walkway jets out into the center of the pit, and though right now it looks like nothing more than an empty concrete circle, tomorrow I know it will be filled with screaming, moshing fans.
I take a seat next to him, staring up at the empty stadium, soaking it all in.
This is my life.
This is what I always wanted.
Isn’t it?
“You ever think about what your life would be like if you weren’t Mateo Starr?” I ask, turning to look at him.
Mateo’s gray-blue eyes implore mine. “No,” he says firmly. “I mean, I always knew this was it for me. Hailee, too. Music was our salvation, you know.”
I nod. “Is it everything you wanted?” I ask, folding my hands in my lap. I settle my gaze on some stadium workers sweeping between the floor seats stage right.
Mateo sighs. The grin on his face is heavenly. “No, it’s better.” He nudges my arm, pulling my attention. “It’s not, for you, I take it?” He says the words plainly, but they are heavy on my heart.
I glance at my hands in my lap, at the bare spot on my finger, noticing my absent-minded fidgeting.
