Page 66 of Under the Tulip Tree
She was right. I was plumb shocked. “I don’t believe it. You, the woman who left your home and family back in Pennsylvania to tend slaves and strangers alike, you’re tellingmenotto go help in the prison hospital? That isn’t what the Good Book says.”
“No, it isn’t. Thee is correct on that. But it also says, ‘Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal.’”
I frowned.
She continued. “‘And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing.’”
I’d known Illa long enough to know she wasn’t a woman who wasted words. There was a lesson here, and she wanted me to discover it.
“Sam says we are to love our enemy.”
“Yes, we are,” she agreed, “but love cannot be forced or coerced. It has to be freely given. The words I quoted from the apostle Paul tell us we can do great and wonderful things, but without love, without charity of heart, they are meaningless.”
Understanding slowly seeped into me.
I was willing to help my fellow man at the hospital. I was even willing to nurse the white Federal soldiers who’d arrived the night of the battle. Those men had given a great sacrifice for me and all the other slaves. Freedom didn’t come without a price, and they’d been willing to pay it.
But to offer care and compassion to men who fought against freedom? Who wanted to keep me in bondage? That I couldn’t do.
“Sam will be disappointed.”
She remained quiet for a long moment. “Sam has learned to love as Christ loves. It doesn’t matter to him what the person looks like or what they’ve done. He simply loves them. That isn’t an easy thing to do. I’ve struggled with it myself at times.”
This surprised me. “I woulda never guessed. You’ve never shown that here.”
She smiled. “That’s because thee sees me now, filled with God’s grace and love. Had thee seen me before I went through the Refiner’s fire, thee would know my failures. I overflowed with hatred for people I’d never even met.”
“Who?”
“White Southerners who owned slaves.”
I stared at her. “You hated your own kind?”
“They were not my kind, at least in my mind. They were evildoers, the lowest of mankind. I had no pity for them and certainly held no love in my heart for someone like that.”
My breath caught. Her words exactly described what had lived inside of me since the day I was sold away from Mammy.
Hatred. Darkness, always lurking in the shadows of my soul. Sometimes I could hide it and pretend it wasn’t there. Since meeting Sam and Illa, I’d witnessed what love truly looked like, felt like. I wanted that, and yet the darkness wouldn’t let it take hold. Not completely, anyway.
“How did you overcome it?”
She stood, a look of peace shining in her eyes. “I didn’t, Frankie. Not on my own.”
After she left, I mulled over everything she’d said. I knew she wanted me to ask God to help me love the wounded prisoners. Sam wanted the same. But did I? It was easier to hate. Hatred had been my constant companion for so long, I wasn’t sure I could love. Not the way they wanted me to.
The next morning, I made my way into the city. With my head down against a cold wind, I nearly ran into a well-dressed young woman standing in the middle of Cherry Street, not far from the prison hospital, silent sobs shaking her slim shoulders. She looked so lost and forlorn I couldn’t pass on by.
“Ma’am, can I help you?”
She stared at me, blue eyes brimming with tears. “My husband just died.”
I stood with her while she wept. When she quieted, I asked, “Was he a soldier?”
She nodded, her lips trembling.
“I’m sorry for your loss, ma’am. The Federal Army has done a lot of good in these terrible years of war. I hope your husband’s death won’t be in vain.”
She looked aghast. “Whitley was a captain in the Confederate Army. He’s been here in this wretched prison hospital for weeks. They refused to let me take him home to Richmond, where he could get proper care, and now he’s dead. I hope every one of your Federal soldiers suffers the same fate.”
