Page 54 of Gay for Pray
“It does?”
“Yeah, you’re free now. And even if the future is scary and uncertain, even if it might be hard, there’s strength in knowing who you are, in being free of people who want to control you, in standing up for yourself. And I’ll be with you, Theo. Seriously. No matter what. If you need to figure out how to pay for school, I can help you apply for aid. Mom and I are pros at this point. We can find part-time jobs together. We’ll figure it out. You aren’t alone. I never caught that asshole who dosed you, but not for lack of trying. I’ll always be by your side, okay?”
A lump clogs my throat. I didn’t realize I was waiting for those words all semester, perhaps all my life. Have I ever been so truly, deeply not alone? Before, I would have said I have my family,but I don’t know if that’s true. I’m about to find out, I suppose. Maybe my sister Lucy will have my back, but maybe she won’t. She’s applying for college, and if my parents disown me for this, she might be leery of facing the same fate.
But I do know one thing. I do know that what Jude says is true. Whatever comes next, he’ll be here with me. I won’t be alone even if my whole family hates me for choosing him.
I stop him right there on one of the broadest, busiest paths in the whole campus. Towering trees shade us, though warmth seeps between the canopies. Students filter past us, most too busy to feel anything but annoyance about two people standing in the middle of the path. The world moves on around us, not just this lively university, but the broader world as well, and I have to wonder why it’s such a big damn deal for me to love Jude in the midst of all that.
I decide I don’t really care.
I cup his face in my hands and lean down to kiss him. He murmurs with surprise, but clings to my shirt and kisses me back, rising up a little to reach me. We haven’t done much of this lately, keeping our focus on our project. Our hands and eyes might have wandered during some of those study sessions, but after our project requirements changed—and then changed right back—we didn’t have as much time as we might have liked for…other types of study.
Now, I soak him in like the trees soaking in the Southern Californian sunlight. A breeze caresses us on the way past. I swear birds start singing in the branches, the whole world narrowing to this moment between Jude and I.
He’s smiling when I pull away. I don’t release him, cupping his face and staring down into his bright, mischievous eyes, eyes that promise all sorts of adventures that might not be suitable for the middle of the campus. In the back of my mind, it dawns on me that no one shouted in outrage as we kissed. No one reallyseemed to care at all. Despite this being a Catholic university, most students here are more worried about themselves than whatever I might be doing. Growing up with my father, I would have found that hard to believe, but here I am.
“So,” Jude says, chewing on his bottom lip, “now that we’ve gotten that project out of the way…”
The way he tugs on that lip makes me want to seize it between my teeth, but I hold myself back, taking his hand instead.
“Yes,” I say. “Hell yes, actually.”
He laughs. “I’ll warn Nick. I sure hope he’s got somewhere to be because once I get my hands on you, God himself won’t be able to stop me.”
Amen.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Jude
NICK HAS VACATED BY the time I drag Theo into our dorm. Thank God. I quickly text with one hand that I owe him for this, but I don’t have time to see his reply, whether it’s amused or angry or something else entirely. Because the second that door closes behind us, Theo is on me.
My phone hits the floor with a thud as Theo takes my wrists and pulls my arms over my head. I hit a wall, and don’t even have time to grunt before Theo seals his mouth over mine. I groan against him, my entire body swaying toward him. After the past couple weeks of distance and strangeness and then a mad scramble to finish our philosophy project, an explosion of desire detonates between us. Sparks of heat pop everywhere our bodies touch, from Theo’s hands on my wrists to my hips rolling to meet his.
I gasp for breath when Theo releases my mouth, but he dives for my neck, and I gasp for a whole new reason. He lets go of my wrists so he can grab me by the waist, and I throw my arms around his shoulders and cling to him as my body ignites.
“Bedroom,” I rasp while I can. “Bedroom now.”
Theo needs no further encouragement. He hauls me away, walking backward because he knows the way to my room already. We bump against the doorway and clatter into my desk, but neither of us stop grabbing at each other even when a textbook crashes to the floor. Theo tosses me onto my narrow,university-issued bed, crowding the mattress when he climbs over me.
He kisses me, and I pull him down so our bodies can meet once more. He’s hard against my hip, grinding himself against me while our tongues prod and lick. I spread my legs around him to get him even closer, and Theo issues a deep groan that shivers down my throat. I palm over his ass, groping shamelessly, aggressively, needing him so badly I can’t hold myself back.
I ease Theo away so I can look into his eyes as I say this next part. “Let me get inside you.”
His eyebrows flicker up.
“Not with my cock.”Not today at least.“Let me open you up. If anything ever doesn’t feel right…”
“I know,” he says. “I trust you.”
“You trust me, but do you want this?”
He pauses in his thoughtful, considering, serious way, the same way he’d approach a philosophy project. Then he nods.
“Yeah, I think I do, but I don’t really know what I’m doing here.”
I roll us over so I’m the one perching over him. “Then it’s a good thing I do.”
