Page 58 of Gay for Pray
I clench my teeth reflexively, bracing my whole body, but nowis the time for me to stand up for myself and be brave for once in my life. I owe Jude that much after all of this. I owemyselfthat much.
I straighten my shoulders, drawing myself up. I can match my father for height, no matter how he’s loomed over me in other ways for my entire life.
“Yes,” I say. “It is.”
My father’s mouth thins into a hard, nearly invisible line. His eyes flicker between me and Jude, but all he says is “hm,” and then moves right past us.
Mom sweeps in to take over the situation. She does accept Jude’s handshake, but she moves on quickly to bundle me up in a crushing hug.
“It’s only been a couple months,” I say as her embrace squeezes the breath out of me.
“I can still miss my baby in a couple months.”
She peppers me with questions about school, mostly ignoring Jude, though not pushing him out of the conversation when he jumps in to add pieces to my stories. She’s polite, and after my father’s cold non-response, I’ll take polite.
A horn honks in the parking lot—my father, signaling that this reunion has ended. My mother bids us goodbye and heads off, but my sister Lucy lingers.
Jude exhales, shoulders slumping. “So was all that good or bad?”
I don’t have a simple, clear answer for him. I wish I did. It would be a lot less confusing.
“I’m…not sure,” I say. “I think it was…okay? It was a start, but it’s going to take some time.”
His smile softens. “I understand. I’m not in a rush.”
“Me neither.”
Our eyes meet, and for a moment I think we might kiss right there on the steps of the church where my father preaches, butthen Lucy reminds us of her presence by loudly clearing her throat.
“I think it was good,” she says. “Dad didn’t yell or give one of his sermons, so that counts as a win, right?”
If anyone would know, it would be my younger sister, who’s endured as many of those lectures as I have.
“And what about you?” I say, bold now that I’ve gotten the hardest part of this day out of the way. “Are you going to lecture me?”
Lucy’s scoff brightens into laughter. “Are you serious?”
I shrug. “I mean…” I wave at the church, encompassing our entire childhoods.
“Theodore, I grew up with that man too,” Lucy says. “But, like, half my school is gay. Do you really think I didn’t know?”
I blink. “You knew?”
“Not for sure, but let’s say I’m not exactly shocked.”
Jude bursts into laughter, offering Lucy a high five that she readily accepts.
“Hey, that’s one,” Jude says.
“I mean, kind of,” Lucy says. “I don’t care that he’s gay, but I do still care that he’s my older brother. You really want to date that?” She jabs her thumb at me.
“He’s got his redeeming qualities,” Jude says with a sly smile.
“Ew, I don’t need to know,” Lucy says. “Anyway, are you guys coming to Sunday brunch?”
Jude looks to me. I didn’t mention brunch. I figured that wouldn’t be in the cards after the shock of me bringing Jude along to Mass.
“I thought Dad might not like it…” I dither.
