Page 53 of Gay for Pray
“I’ll have to tell him.”
“I understand.”
She must see my resolve on my face because her exasperation melts into a smile.
“You two did good work on this,” she says. “I haven’t read your papers yet, but if they’re half as well researched as your presentation, I imagine you’ll both be pleased with your grades. You made a good team.”
She says it as though she knows, as though she can tell by looking at us that we… Well, maybe she can. Maybe you can’t help but be obvious when you care about someone. Some old instinct wants to flinch away from the suggestion in Professor Demsky’s voice, but I fight it down. I’m going to need to learn not to listen to that voice the way I have for my whole life. This is a new me and a new chapter, and it starts right here in this classroom.
“I’m sorry to put you in this position,” I say. “This isn’t your job, ma’am. I only wanted to complete the assignment as you instructed us to.”
“It’s not your fault, Theodore, and your father isn’t my first nosy parent. Don’t you worry about any of that. Worry aboutyour studies. And…”
A quick glance between Jude and I, a mere flicker of her eyes, but it seems to say, “Worry aboutthis.”
Impulsively, I take Jude’s hand. He flinches with surprise, but when I squeeze, he squeezes in return.
“Thank you, Professor. I will.”
“Good,” she says. “Now, I have some grading to do, and don’t think I won’t be absolutely fair despite the circumstances.”
“Of course, Professor.”
I turn to go, taking Jude with me, but Professor Demsky calls out to me before we make it to the door.
“If you need help talking to your father,” she says, “you let me know.”
Warmth seeps through my chest, and a genuine smile spreads across my face. “I will. Thank you, Professor.”
Then I leave the classroom, still clasping Jude’s hand.
“You sure you want to do that?” he says with a note of mocking in his voice.
I squeeze his hand again. “Yes, I’m pretty damn sure.”
“Hand holdingandspicy language? Presentations really get you going. I should have known that’s what does it for you.”
I snort a laugh, smiling over at him. “Thank you for doing that.”
The mirth drops out of his light eyes. “I wasn’t the one taking a risk in there. That was all you, Theo. All I had to do was stand there.”
I shake my head before he finishes. “I’m sure you know what my father will think about this…and you.”
His grimaces, but hides it swiftly. I’m watching him while he watches the path ahead of us, trusting him to lead me. I don’t care about the beautiful afternoon, the warm weather, the other students filtering past us. Jude consumes my focus.
He takes a breath before he starts. “I’ve met people like yourdad before. Trust me. He is far from the first.” He glances aside at me. “I made a choice back in high school about how I would live my life, and people like your father have never managed to change my mind. So don’t worry about me, okay? I’m used to this.”
“You shouldn’t have to be.”
The thought of people like my father bullying Jude for who he is stabs through my chest.
“What about you?” Jude says. “Are you okay? Are you going to be okay when your father finds out?”
We’ve avoided this topic, spending the week focusing only on the project itself, but now there’s nothing to buffer us from it any longer. Still, as I gaze at the man walking beside me, the fear I might have expected to feel in this moment is absent. There’s a flutter of nerves, certainly, but none of that bone-chilling, soul-crushing fear I might expect.
“Yeah,” I say, “I’m ready. In fact, I’m starting to realize that I was more scared before. All that hiding, all that lying, that was the scary stuff. Now that I’ve decided to stop…I’m weirdly okay.”
“It makes sense,” Jude says.
