Page 61 of Wild Fixation
Keannen mutters something that results in Tim slapping his arm, something I’m sure I don’t want to hear. The guys crowd around, adding mushrooms and olives and green peppers and pepperoni. Some take a milder approach, like Shawn, who only goes for black olives, while others grab everything they can reach, like Jacob and Levi. One by one, I pop the pizzas in the oven, distributing them as soon as they emerge, and before long all seven of us have a ton of pizza waiting for us.
We crowd onto Jacob’s couches. Well, it’s not really crowding. The couches are so big they easily fit all of us. It’s more that we choose to crowd, everyone squeezing onto the bigger couch so we can sit together. Jacob puts on the movie we agreed on, a modern update on an old monster movie that came out while everyone was on tour.
As the monster roars on screen in gloriously updated graphics, I set my empty plate aside and wrap my arm around Jacob’s waist. He puts his plate down as well so he can lean into me. Beside us, Keannen and Tim are in a similar state. The remaining three guys — Levi, Shawn and Dan — sit close together, even though they’re alone. Maybe as things quiet down they’ll get their chances. What happened with Keannen and Tim was one in a million, and what happened with me and Jacob was just as lucky. The universe placed us in each other’s proximity; we never stood a chance after that.
I hope fortune chooses to favor the others, if that’s something they want. They’re the quieter end of the band, but all this stuff with Shawn and this fan who has him worried has made me wonder. Is he worried because he’s not feeling the way he’s supposed to feel about something like that? Does he think after the Ryan situation that the others might judge him? I can’t imagine his bandmates being anything but supportive, but perhaps he doesn’t realize that yet.
Something to keep in the back of my mind, for sure.
In the meantime, I’m going to indulge in this thing I have with Jacob. “Love,” we’ve both called it now. A huge word, a heavy word, but it came out the second Jacob broke through the walls and got me to confess. Maybe I said it too soon, but if so, Jacob isn’t complaining.
I hug him tighter against my side. He smiles up at me and snuggles in closer, leaning his head against my shoulder as the monster on the screen rampages through Tokyo.
“We should make a monster metal album,” Keannen says.
“What the hell is a monster metal album?” Levi says.
“I don’t know,” Keannen says. “Something loud. Something crazy. Pshhh.” He mimics the explosion of a television station in downtown Tokyo. “No stealing that idea,” he says to Tim. “It’s ours.”
“All yours,” Tim says in a tone that indicates he wouldn’t have fought for it anyway.
“It’s kind of a cool idea,” Jacob says. He starts humming, and I know lyrics are flowing through his brain already. “Yeah, that could be kind of good actually.”
“Not you too,” Shawn drawls.
“It’s different. It’s cool,” Jacob says. “Find me another band doing monster metal.”
“I’m sure it exists,” Shawn says. “One of those Slavic metal bands.”
Jacob tilts his head, considering. “Okay, that’s true, but we could do itourway. It would be totally different. Hm. Yeah. I’m into it.” His humming vibrates through me as he tests out more presumably monster-related lyrics.
I sit back and smile, letting the band muse around me, feeling so blessed to be part of this weird family. I’m way more than a bodyguard, but none of them seem to mind. In fact, it almost feels more natural this way. I’m one of them, and they know that means I’ll work harder for them than anyone else.
And of course, I’ll work harder for Jacob.
His humming buzzes through my chest, his music weaving around my heart. It’s nothing compared to those moans he sings for me. This song will belong to the whole world, but that’s a trade I have to make. He’ll never belong only to me, not when everyone wants a piece of him.
I can live with that, as long as it’s his heart that’s mine.
I’ll follow him on this wild journey. I’ll follow him forever. And even though the whole world will always want him for themselves, no one will ever know the song he sings only for me, the music we make together.
That will always be mine.
Epilogue
Jacob
Three years later...
EVERYTHING IN MY LIFE has changed so fast, but some things will always remain the same.
“Never. Do that. Again,” Seth says.
He clenches his teeth so hard a muscle in his jaw jerks. Worry splotches his cheeks in beads of color beneath his beard.
“It wasonelittle stage dive,” I say.
The color in Seth’s cheeks brightens. “One stage dive into a crowd ofthousands, Jacob. Do you understand how dangerous that could have been if I wasn’t there to pry you out of that mob? What if they carried you to the other side of the festival? What if you were alone? What if I couldn’t reach you?”
