Page 54 of Wild Fixation
I push myself up, folding my arms on his broad chest so I can peer down at him. My hair falls into my face, and Seth reaches up to tuck it behind my ear, those big hands so gentle and precise. He doesn’t have his glasses, but his gaze is clear when he meets mine.
“I don’t want this to be temporary,” I say without preamble. “I don’t want this to be fake. That’s not why I came here.”
“I know,” he says.
“But?”
He sighs at himself. “I was your bodyguard.”
The “was” hurts, but that’s a problem for later. “Do you really think I care about that?”
“No, but what about everyone else?”
“Fuck everyone else,” I say. “Why are you letting them get in the way of this? This is good, Seth. This is really, really good. Do you not feel that? Am I crazy?”
“You aren’t crazy.”
Another “but” hangs in the air. This time, I hold my silence and let him search for it on his own.
“I was in the military before this,” he says eventually. “Wasn’t the type of place you do what you feel. Wasn’t the type of place where you come out if you don’t have to.”
“I thought things were changing.”
“They are, technically, but people are people.”
“Well, this isn’t the military,” I say. “I’m not your sergeant. And my bandmates aren’t random homophobic dudes you share a platoon with or whatever.”
A smile cracks his mouth. “So much of what you said is so wrong I don’t even know where to start.”
“Whatever. You get the point. This is your life, Seth, and you get to call the shots out here. So what are you going to do? Are you going to keep running? Or are you actually going to have what you want for once?”
I mean to glare at him, but after a beat of silence, he reaches up, cupping my face, and I melt into his touch. He doesn’t speak for several long breaths, simply holds me, thumb stroking my cheek. My heart is ready to burst by the time he finally guides me down to his lips for a brief, sweet kiss.
“You’re going to have to teach me how to do this,” he says.
My heart beats so hard I can’t even feel it.
“I’ve never dated someone before,” he says. “I’ve never…” He clears his throat, then apparently gathers his courage and looks right into my eyes. “I don’t think I’ve ever fallen in love before.”
Fallen in love.
“You’re not like anyone I’ve ever met, Jacob,” he says, “and I don’t know why the hell you’d pick me of all people, but if I’m really what you want, then I’ll try. I’ll try my damn hardest every single day. Besides…” His voice softens. “I don’t think I could tear myself away from you even if I wanted to.”
My heart swells until it’s too big to fit into my chest. Normally I’m full of words, overflowing with them, but Seth leaves me speechless, hardly able to breathe. I gape at him, at this impossible, handsome, knight-in-shining-armor man I’ve somehow claimed.
Then I crash back down against him, kissing him so hard our teeth clack.
We don’t put on clothes for the rest of the day.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Seth
I BARELY RECOGNIZE MY own room the next morning.
It’s not that the things in it have changed. The sheets draped over me are the same. The light prodding at the blinds is the same light that wakes me most days. I know the pictures on the dresser even though it’s too dark for me to pick out the details.
ButI’mdifferent today. The man lying in this bed is not the man who rose from it yesterday.
