Page 51 of Wild Fixation
“Jacob,” he says. “Nice to meet you.”
Mason takes his hand, shaking numbly while his mouth hangs open. “Y-Yeah … nice to … meet you… Just some guy … in my house…”
I can tell Jacob is smiling that dimple-filled smile from the way Mason relaxes. He’s still awed, but Jacob has a way of setting anyone at ease, instantly turning them into his friend, making them feel special and important simply by looking at them.
“Sorry to barge in,” Jacob says. “I was hoping I could talk to Seth.”
“It’s, uh, it’s fine, I guess,” Mason says. “Do you want coffee? Or … what do famous people drink?”
“I’m fine,” Jacob says. “Thanks.”
“Right. Sure. Yeah.” Mason starts backing away, shaking his head the whole time. “Seth, this one is on you. I need to sit down.”
He mutters to himself as he heads to the living room, and Jacob spins back around to face me.
“Can we talk?”
The smile is gone, the dimples receding. All I want to do is cup his face and kiss him until he’s so overflowing with joy that they reappear, but I hold myself back and nod. I turn, putting my back to him so I can lead him upstairs to my room. With Mason downstairs and my door shut, we have about as much privacy as we can hope for.
Sunlight filters into the room from the window at the back. The glass looks out at our narrow slice of backyard and the tree overhanging corner of the house. The light limns Jacob, like stage lights but softer, more intimate.
He takes in my room. There isn’t much to see. Plus, he’s been here before. The bed with its dark sheets; the dresser with its few framed photos on top; a closed door to a closet. No decorations on the walls. No photos of family or friends. As tidy as an army bunk. I haven’t yet found a compelling reason to put any of “me” into this space while I’m drifting through life with no idea what I’m doing or where I’m going. Jacob’s presence is like a piece of fine art in the middle of a dirty alleyway. He’s too beautiful to belong here; he stands out like a gilded frame.
“Been a while since I was here,” he says, dredging up the memory of the time I invited him in to save him from the paparazzi surrounding his own apartment. A lot more happened that night than should have, and everyone seems to know it. Those paparazzi outside my house were already flinging those sorts of questions at me; now they’ve seen Jacob walk right into my home.
“What are you doing here?” I say.
“I wanted to see you.”
A white hot flash of anger startles me. “Those paparazzi could have eaten you alive. They saw you come in here.”
I leave the rest unsaid. Jacob’s been getting the same sort of questions. He must have known before he arrived what his showing up would imply.
All he says is, “I know.”
He steps closer, and my room shrinks around us. I freeze, standing rigid and balling my hands into fists to control the itch in my palms. All I want to do is run my fingers through his hair, tug his head back as I suck on his neck, touch him until that song only I know spills from his open mouth.
He sets one hand on my chest as he gazes up at me. “Seth, I don’t care what they think. They’re already assuming it, aren’t they? So who cares?”
“Your career…”
“Will be perfectly fine. I’m allowed to have a life too, aren’t I?”
“Sure, but not with someone like me.”
“Why not?”
Peering down into his hazel eyes, all the logical reasons I’ve been clinging to abandon me. “Because I am, I was, your bodyguard. I was supposed to protect you. And I couldn’t. Because…”
He tilts his head, lips softly parted. Dark lashes frame his eyes. One dimple peeks out when he smiles up at me.
“Because what, Seth?”
I’m helpless in front of him. No amount of bulk or military training is worth a damn when Jacob turns his full attention on me like this. He clings harder to my shirt, and despite all my size he could drag me around like a dog on a leash in this moment.
“My knight in shining armor,” he says. When did his voice lower? When did our mouths get close enough that every word puffs against my lips? “Always so virtuous, so chivalrous.”
“Nothing that I’m thinking about right now could be called chivalrous.”
