Page 38 of Wild Fixation
Seth goes still.
“I wanted to get an ice cream. With you,” I say. “That’s all. I didn’t think it would be a whole thing. I’m sorry. I just… Can I make it up to you? Come upstairs with me.”
It’s a casual offer. The implication of the words hits me a second late, but I don’t take them back. Instead, I tighten my grip on his arm.
He hesitates, and that sends a weird thrill of hope through me. I push my luck just a little more, taking a breath before saying, “Seth, it’s just us. There’s no one to see us, no one to judge us. Do you want to come up or not?”
Then, I wait.
Chapter Twenty
Seth
IT’S JUST US.
My mind flashes back to the ice cream place, the amount of people who tried to get close to him. The jealousy that sparked inside me when he turned his attention away from me and toward them.
I tried to shake it off the entire drive back to his place, but when Jacob touches my arm and leans close, lowering his voice, it riles up the envy lurking inside me. The truth is, I don’t want those people anywhere near him, and not simply because that’s my job. I don’t want them stripping him away from me, taking him apart piece by piece until there’s nothing left over for me.
Still, I’m not supposed to be here. I should never have let Jacob drag me out to that ice cream place. How did I not see this coming? I knew when he called me asking for help that something wasn’t right, but yet again I let myself ignore my gut and go along with him. No matter how many times it gets me in trouble, I can’t seem to say no to him.
Jacob undoes his seatbelt, then mine. His hands brush against my body as he does.
“Come on, Seth,” he says. “Come inside with me.”
It’s not a question anymore. It isn’t a suggestion. When he exits the car, so do I, helpless to refuse his command. I could turn around, and even as I lock the car I think that I probably should, but Jacob casts one glance over his shoulder and there’s no hope left for me.
When we get into the elevator, Jacob strips away any last, pathetic pretense I might try to hold up between us. He backs me into a corner, smirking as he braces against my chest and rises on his tip toes to kiss me. The elevator rattles, and I set a hand against his waist, steadying him. The moment I taste his mouth against mine, however, I’m the one wavering.
His smirk glints in his eyes by the time the elevator stops and lets us off. Jacob takes my hand and tugs me toward his apartment, throwing his keys on the floor when we get inside. He walks backward, pulling me with him, chewing on his lip as he takes me past the huge windows in the living room and the kitchen where I cooked him breakfast and straight to the bedroom.
“You don’t need to be scared of this,” he says.
But oh, he has no idea.
I need to be terrified of it, terrified ofhim. Everything crumbles when I’m around him, all my resolve and good sense disintegrating like wet sand. It doesn’t matter if Jacob is some slender, pretty boy rockstar. My bulk means nothing when he kisses me while leading me to his bed.
Even as I fall, I know I’m making a mistake. Even as my body presses his into the mattress, I think I should stop this. I have to stop this. I can’t do this again. I’m in too deep, and touching him again, hearing him again — it will only make everything worse. But Jacob slings a leg around my waist and tugs me down against his body, and when I move my hips he moans with such desire dripping off the sound that it fills my brain with static.
He’s gasping for breath when he pushes me away from his mouth. The hazel in Jacob’s eyes is like flecks of amber, even in the dark, and all I want to do is stare, touch, taste. As much as I’ll regret it, as much as I’ll hate myself, when he looks up at me with brazen want, my defenses shatter.
“Seth,” he says, a hand petting down my broad chest. “God, I want you so bad.”
Music reviewers invariably praise Baptism Emperor for their charismatic and booming lead singer. They’ve written pages and pages about how big his voice is, how it sweeps up the whole crowd, how it can fill entire stadiums.
None of them are even close to understanding the power of that voice.
When Jacob pleads for me, voice ragged and breathy with longing, there’s no force on this planet that can keep me from him. It doesn’t matter how wrong it is. It doesn’t matter that I know better than anyone else how wrong it is. If there’s a person alive who could say no right now, they’re stronger than I’ll ever be.
I scramble like he set me on fire. Maybe he did. My blood is burning as I sit up to strip off my shirt, then do the same to him. Jacob catches the fever and starts undoing his pants, both of us rushing to get naked. Shoes thump to the floor. My jeans hit something that rattles in protest, but it doesn’t slow me down at all. I toss my glasses with a clatter. Ambient light caresses Jacob’s warm skin, and I throw him onto his back so I can kiss along the shell of his shoulder, down his chest, over the ridges of his toned abs. His breathing deepens, silk dragged over a cheese grater, and he lets out a yelp of delight when I find the sensitive divot beside his hip and suck hard.
He pulls at me, yanking me back up to his mouth. Then he turns us on our sides so he can tangle his legs up with mine. One goes over my hips, allowing him to grind himself against me.
Our mouths pop apart in the heady rush of us grabbing at each other. His head tips back, and I seal my lips against the long column of his throat, tasting every moan that wavers from his mouth before it ever passes his lips. He clings to me, nails digging into my back, chest against my chest, cock sliding against mine as we rock and grab and clutch at each other in a messy explosion of need.
“Damn it,” Jacob hisses.
He interrupts our flailing around, rolling away to grope on the nightstand. He knocks something off it, perhaps a book, but doesn’t heed the crash before he rolls back toward me with a bottle of lube in hand. He squirts out a glob and smears it on us, and even though it’s entirely practical, I can’t help groaning as he strokes hard and fast to get me slick. When he’s satisfied, he goes right back to slinging his leg around my hips and kissing me, as though we never stopped in the first place.
