Page 23 of Wild Fixation
I didn’t let Jacob assume. I didn’t let him assume even though it was the safe and right thing to do. And then he was rising up on his tiptoes, clinging to my arm, all the bright magnetism of his personality turned entirely onme.
He’s going to report it. He has to. I was completely out of line staying in his house last night. Then I had the audacity to kiss him. He’s going to tell Emmett, who will not merely fire me, but ensure I never get another security job. I have no idea what I’ll do for work instead. I haven’t had any job but this since the military, and I’m sure as hell not reenlisting. Maybe I can be security at a parking garage or grocery store, something that involves property and not people.
I return home somehow miserable and elated, and go right for my bed. Sleeping in a chair was not restful, but it wasn’t much worse than a barracks cot. As Jacob implied, my back has had better nights, but when I get home I can’t manage to nap. I spend most of the day tossing and turning, waiting for the phone call that will end my career as a bodyguard.
It doesn’t come, leaving me to replay that moment at Jacob’s door. He reached up to me, there’s no doubt about that, but I didn’t stop him, and I should have. It’s my responsibility to stop him. He’s my boss, my responsibility, and I’m the man who’s meant to ensure no one gets too close. Have I become exactly what I’m supposed to protect him from?
I go for a run that night, hoping to exhaust myself and outpace my thoughts. It doesn’t really work, but at least it gets me tired enough to sleep.
The call comes the next day.
The second I see Emmett’s name flashing on my phone, my throat closes up. I haven’t heard from Jacob or anyone else in the band, but surely the news has spread by now.
I answer with a terse, grumbled greeting.
“Still recovering from Saturday?” Emmett says. “Heard it got a little hectic at the end. Good job keeping them in check, especially Jacob. Apparently he was a handful.”
“Thank you,” I manage.
I wait for the “but,” the part where he fires me for sleeping in Jacob’s house, for undressing him, for kissing him.
It never comes.
“Have another one for you,” Emmett says. “They’ve got an interview this week. I’m sorry to ask this of you, but I need you there. The other guys will be busy with a Ten Hours gig. We can’t spare them.”
My head spins. Where is the part where he tells me I’m fired? Why is he acting so normal during this call? Emmett starts telling me the details of the interview, explaining where the studio is located and when I should get there. It’s coming up in a couple days, he says, and I’ll be the only bodyguard available for the job.
I listen silently. Has Jacob not told anyone yet? Maybe he was feeling so sick yesterday that he neglected to reach out to Emmett. That must be it. Surely, Emmett will find out today, or maybe tomorrow. By the time this interview rolls around, it’ll be someone else protecting Jacob and the band, not me.
The thought twists my heart like a fist reaching into my chest. The idea of someone else being there, his hand casually glancing along the small of Jacob’s back to guide him through a press of reporters, chokes the breath out of me. I can’t envision any other way this plays out, however. As soon as Emmett knows about that kiss, I’m gone, and if he doesn’t know now, he will soon.
“By the way,” Emmett says, “how is the search going? Finding any strong candidates?”
I swallow. I haven’t touched those applications in several days, preoccupied with the band, with Jacob. I have to clear my throat before I can respond.
“It’s going okay,” I say. “Still looking at applications.”
Emmett sighs. “I know you take this seriously, and I’m grateful for that, but we need to bring some people on sooner rather than later. You can’t keep doing this almost single-handedly. It’s too much for one guy to handle, even our best guy.”
Their best guy. Right. Would their best guy go and kiss the man he’s supposed to protect? No, if I have time to hire someone before they fire me, he’ll do a far better and more professional job than me. Emmett is correct, though; I do need to get someone on board as quickly as I can, before I’m gone and it’s too late. I’ll feel better knowing the man who’s protecting Jacob in my place.
“I’ll work on it,” I say.
“Good, see that you do.”
Emmett hangs up shortly after that, and I sink onto the edge of my bed, staring at the dark phone. I should go right for those applications, but I can’t bring myself to do it. My whole life is crashing down around me, and all because I couldn’t control myself at the moment when it mattered most.
I’ll deal with applications tomorrow.
I DON’T TOUCH THE applications the next day. Nor the day after that. I put it off so long that the day of the interview catches up to me before I run out of excuses.
Emmett doesn’t call me again, so somehow I still have a job when I get the bus downtown to the big TV and radio station building near the Space Needle. Why is Jacob waiting to report that kiss? For a sick moment, I think he means to fire me live during this interview, but he wouldn’t do that. I’m getting paranoid the longer I wait for the axe to fall.
I linger on the sidewalk after getting off the bus at the station. Just about the last thing I want to do is see Jacob again. Even as a startled flutter beats in my chest, slow, cold dread follows on its heels. We haven’t spoken to each other, and I don’t know who he might have talked to about the incident. Maybe the other members of the band will hate me. Maybe they plan to confront me. Either way, Emmett sent me here to do a job, and I have no choice but to drag myself into the station and do it.
I’ve dressed in all black, bland and inconspicuous. I tuck my phone and keys away and approach the TV station building on wooden legs. I’m here early, as is customary, checking out the area and securing the entrance the guys will use.
The station is a huge, glass-fronted building that sits at the edge of a tree-lined courtyard. Tourists filter by on their way to the Space Needle and the other big Seattle attractions. Inside, the lobby contains a huge, open seating area, as well as a gift shop and a coffee bar. Not exactly an ideal space for sneaking in and out discreetly, but thankfully the TV station portion of the building does have a back entrance. I meet with a station crew member who shows me the entrance and unlocks it for me so I can escort the guys in and out. It won’t be perfect, but the door is only a few steps from the street, so it should be okay. Even in my frazzled state, I had the wits to ensure they all traveled in one car this time. I call the driver while they’re en route, instructing him on where to park so he can get the guys as close to the building as possible and minimize their exposure.
