Page 79 of Wicked Believer
I want to give her the promise of a better life, a better future, everything I know she so desperately desires, but it’s the one thing that I cannot offer her.
Safety.
From me. From my family.
My chest tightens as I draw her into my arms.
I only hope that she stays with me after she learns all that she is, all that I’ve kept from her, all that I’ve done. Now that my Father’s redemption has made her the one and only key to reopening the pearly gates, and the only immortal weapon with the power to destroy me.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Charlotte
Lucifer wakes me and carries me into the shower sometime later, where he takes slow and deliberate care to clean me. This is another favorite. The aftercare. The way he soothes us both. He settles us into our bed after that, once we’re both thoroughly dried and clean, his hand brushing over my stomach when he spoons me.
But he’s uncharacteristically quiet tonight.
“Do you really want children? With me?” I whisper, breaking the silence.
Lucifer goes still. “Wouldyou? Wouldyouwant that? For me to make you mine in every way?” He’s deflecting, evading answering first, but I’d like to think that this would be an area of our life where he could be fully honest with me.
“I would.” I nod. “Eventually. You?”
He’s quiet for a long moment before finally he says, “Yes, Charlotte, I would. I would wish for that very much.”
The confidence in his words warms me, though there’s something about the way he says it that sounds almost ... pained. Like he’s keeping something from me.
Like it’s yet another thing that he believes he could never possibly deserve.
I arch against him, grinding my ass into his now semihard cock.
He chuckles, playfully palming my breasts. “Shall I carry you back to the playroom for another round?” He trails a line of kisses down my neck until I groan softly.
“Not tonight.” I shake my head, clocking his temporary disappointment. “For now, I just want you to hold me.”
That’s the only thing I’ve truly wanted all week.
For a moment, he seems a little put off by that, like he can’t believe such a simple and vanilla request could be what sates me, but he doesn’t say anything as he turns me toward him. We lie in our bed together for a long time, my arms and legs wrapped up with his body until I feel his breathing start to slow from where my head rests lightly against his chest.
He almost never holds me like this.
Except during aftercare. And never when he’s asleep.
Lucifer sleeping is a rare and fleeting occurrence. Sleep isn’t something he needs, and it doesn’t seem to come easily to him. It’s an indulgence. A refuge. Which means whatever he has to tell me now that he’s back home must be, well, pretty damning for him to be holding on to me.
For now, I try my best not to think of it, to pretend like the world doesn’t exist beyond the walls of our bedroom.
I drift off to sleep in his arms and then wake again sometime later, feeling him stir beside me. “You’ve been gone a lot lately,” I whisper into the dark.
“Is that why you were hurt?”
I nod. “After what happened to Olivia, it ... felt like the whole world was crashing down, and I needed you, but you weren’t there.”
“I wanted to be,” he says, giving me the reassurance I need. “Trust me when I say I hate being apart just as much as you do—perhapsmore, if you fully understood what I’ve been up to—but someone needs to protect you. Who else, if not me?”
“I don’t need you to protect me ...” I mutter, the rest of the thought trailing off.
I just need you to love me.
