Page 16 of Wicked Believer
And I think that, not for the first time, I might truly hate him for it.
“Is that all I am to you? Still?” I breathe. “A toy? A pretty little dove for you to keep in a cage?”
For a moment, Lucifer’s mask falters, and I think I see a deep flash of hurt in his eyes before it’s gone instantly, his expression darkening. “If you think for even a second that’s the way I see you, then you truly don’t know me at all.”
“Maybe I don’t,” I say defiantly, old hurts bubbling up inside my chest.In for a penny, in for a pound, I guess.“After all, you’ve been lying to me from the start, haven’t you?” I close the distance between us as I whisper, “You used me. Manipulated me. And I let you.”
“Because you love me.” He reaches out to cup my cheek.
But I shake my head as I take a small step back.
His hand falls to his side reluctantly.
“Because I fear you.”
This time, Lucifer’s pain is obvious, his tongue darting out to wet his lips as he shakes his head at me. “You don’t mean that. You don’t even know what you’re saying. You’re hurting, still reeling from the power I had to unleash in you, all because you refused to release it yourself, to embrace your immortality. I know you’re scared, but there’s no turning back now, and you can’t—”
“Don’t you dare try to tell me how I feel,” I snap, my tone sharp enough that in the quiet of the cold forest, I may as well be shouting.
The words settle in the ether between us, and for a long moment, Lucifer doesn’t say anything. He simply stares at me, amber gaze blazing until finally his eyes narrow. “I think that’s quite enough for tonight.” He turns to leave.
But I grab his shoulder. “No.Idecide when I’ve had enough.”
Lucifer rounds on me. “For fuck’s sake, Charlotte. You—”
“Hit me,” I say, gesturing to his now clenched hands. “Show me I have just as much say in all of this chaos as you do.”
Lucifer shakes his head. “Not now that you’ve used your safe word,” he growls, tossing the butt of his cigarette onto the ground and grinding it beneath his Armani shoe. “I’ll do no such thing.”
“You want to destroy the last of my humanity? For me to embrace immortality? Fine. Then hit me,” I say again, my voice lifting in anger. “Rip the power out of me. Fuck me until I can’t see straight. Whatever you have to do.” I square my shoulders, drawing nearly nose to nose with him, or as close as I can, considering he’s nearly a foot taller than me. “But if you can ask that of me, why can’t I ask it of you?” My breath becomes heavy, swirling like smoke in the space between us, the butt of his cigarette still smoldering beside our feet. “We’re equals, aren’t we?”
Lucifer doesn’t answer. Instead, he simply stares at me.
“Aren’t we?”
I reach for him, and for the first time ever, he recoils from me.
Until I have no choice but to allow my outstretched hand to fall.
Something dark flashes in Lucifer’s eyes then. Something pained. “If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a thousand times. Don’t try to top from the bottom. Not with me.”
He turns and disappears into the shadows, leaving me breathless and alone in his wake.
I suck in a sharp breath, clutching at my chest, overwhelmed by the feeling. As if my own heart has just been ripped out of me.
I stumble forward, standing there frozen in the dark for what feels like hours, until reluctantly I begin to make my way toward the house.
Unhinged by everything I now realize he’s stolen from me, and the knowledge that the monstrous immortal I’ve chosen to give my life to can think so little of me.
Chapter Six
Charlotte
The idea of fate is far more romantic than the reality.
I float naked in one of the penthouse’s larger tubs, the water having long since gone cold. My hair and ears are fully submerged, the sound around me muffled save for the echo of my own heartbeat. Thump, thump. Thump, thump.
But my mind is blessedly empty, my thoughts almost blissful—they’re so peacefully silent for once. So silent I don’t recognize I’m no longer alone until I feel the sudden vibration of the water, someone pounding on the bathroom door.
