Page 61 of Fox
Actually, I do like animals. I just choose not to allow myself to get close to anyone, animals included. It’s safer that way. For everyone. I can’t fuck up and hurt them, and they can’t disappearfrom my life and hurt me. It’s a win-win. Though glancing back at the two of them sleeping on my couch, I no longer feel like not getting close is really such a “win.”
Janie shifts, and her foot ends up on my lap while she lets out some ungodly snort before smacking her lips together and falling back into a deeper sleep. It’s amazing how much time I spent when I was younger, craving moments like this. Okay, maybe without the foghorn, but when I was still full of hope, I hoped for a life like this. Now, I’m older, and I know this life isn’t one I can have. But, I’m man enough to admit, if I were to have a life like this, it would be a life I would want with Janie. I don’t know when that changed when I went from counting the days until she would be out of my life to trying to find ways to spend more time with her. And now, I can’t imagine life without her in it. It’s selfish. She’s so beautiful, intelligent and funny. She deserves someone younger, with less mental baggage and less emotional scars. Someone who isn’t terrified that he’ll one day wake up alone and completely broken.
Then again, if I wake up tomorrow and she’s not here… I will absolutely be destroyed.
“You knowyou are allowed to like Janie,” Atlas says while continuing the line on the large, sleeping man’s head, yes, sleeping.
“How is he asleep?” I ask in both fear and amazement while completely ignoring his comment. Janie and I are currently fighting because I dared to ask her to come to the shop today to help me with the new displays, and she said Winston wouldthink she abandoned him so unless she could bring him with her, she’s staying at the house. I tried to politely remind her that having a cat in a tattoo shop would be against health codes. She then reminded me that fucking her on the table was also against health codes and that if I found Winston to be so filthy, I must find her filthy too, and she wouldn’t want to “spread the filth” at Hel’s.
Cats make women crazy. This is the conclusion I’ve come to after this past weekend.
Atlas looks up at me with a cocky grin. “I got that tender touch, man,” he whispers while wiggling his fingers.
Ash scoffs while doodling on his cast. Apparently, after I left Vegas, the guys, in fact, did have a gray sweatpants competition, which resulted in a fight and Ash getting his hand broken. Janie doesn’t know any of this yet, and she’s going to be pissed when she finds out Hel’s Ink has been permanently banned from the Vegas convention. “Dude’s a nomad biker with a metal plate in his head. You have the heaviest hand out of all of us.”
Atlas stops his line and glares at Ash. “You know, ever since you broke your hand and your sister called, you’ve been sucking the joy out of my life. It’s not appreciated.”
Ash rolls his dark eyes before going back to sketching.
“Anyway,” At looks back at me while inking his machine. “You’re allowed to want to be with her.”
I would throw something at him if he didn’t have a very large, intimidating man sleeping on his table. Instead, I play it safe and flip him off. Atlas shrugs before continuing this extremely unpleasant conversation. “I’m just saying. She’s not a little girl anymore, man. She’s a grown woman. Hell, you’ve had younger.”
“Hey now,” I say defensively, but his raised brow and incredulous look stop me from lying to him.
“Our ages aren’t the issue,” I mutter, leaning back against my seat and rubbing my hands over my face.
“Is it Tony?” Ash asks, and I sigh, looking to the front of the shop, wishing like hell someone would walk in and make this end. I’m going to kick the ever-loving shit out of Atlas for telling Ash and Derek about my night with Janie. Though I guess I can’t blame him. When I ran out of the convention during her call, there wasn’t much hiding it from them anymore. After several quiet seconds, it’s apparent that I’m not getting out of this conversation.
“I don’t know, alright,” I say, though it’s not entirely honest, but there’s no way I am ready to delve deep into my past with these fuckers. “At first, yeah, that was my reasoning. Janie was off-limits. We all got that drilled into us when we started here. But… I don’t know. Somewhere along the way, his words stopped being as big of a block.”
Atlas nods, but his face remains neutral. “So, is that the excuse you give Janie? That her dad said no one that works for him could date her? Which is a complete lie, but whatever.”
I jerk my head up and look at him. “You know damn well that isn’t a lie. We all got the same talking to, and we’ve had several guys come through here who got their asses beat for trying to break that rule.”
Atlas shakes his head while wiping the spot on the man's head. The biker growls in his sleep, and all four of us freeze and stare at him until he falls back into his deep sleep. Atlas lets out a breath before continuing the tattoo and our conversation. “The old man said he didn’t want any of us thinking that they were going to get paid just to look at his daughter, and if that’s why we were here, to consider her off limits and to get the fuck out. Not that no one could date her.”
Derek walks to our cabinet and pulls out a fresh marker while muttering something I don’t hear.
“Say again?” I raise a brow at the man, and he stares at me with a scowl.
“I said,” he speaks up, though he keeps a cautious eye on the biker. “You were the only one that didn’t get the talk from Tony to not to use our position to fuck his daughter.”
Atlas and Ash both stare at me in shock and I glare at Derek in annoyance. “Maybe that’s because it was implied,” I grumble. “Or maybe he just knew that out of everyone, I would be the one he didn’t have to worry about.”
“And yet…” Derek's voice is smug, making me want to punch him. “You’re the only one of us who fucked her.”
Atlas groans mournfully, “In our sanctuary. On my table!”
Guilt fills me at the thought. Tony did publicly tell anyone who worked here the rules about Janie, and while I’d been present for many, if not all of those talks, never once had that conversation been directed at me. I’d thought maybe it was my age, but Derek is a couple of years older than me, and when Janie turned eighteen, you best believe he got a talking to, even though I don’t think the man has said more than ten words to the girl his entire time here.
Tony never talked to me; maybe it was because he trusted I wouldn’t betray him that way.
“Stop looking so guilty.” Atlas’ voice cuts into my thoughts.
I stare up at him and sigh. “Tony was the only person who gave a shit about me! The only fucking person who didn’t make me feel like a useless waste of space! I came to apprentice here, and within days, I lost my mom and sister. A year later, I had to start financially caring for a father who spent his entire life using me as a punching bag, as an ashtray, and he reminded me every day that I was worthless! Even on his fucking hospital bed that I paid for, with his dying breaths, he told me that no one ever loved me and that I cause nothing but pain.”
My eyes widen, and I look up to see the men staring at me with shocked expressions.
