Page 26 of Stevie
“Don’t do this to me,” I state, holding back my tears. “Ican’t, Brooks.”
“Why?” he snaps. “What is so wrong with me, Stevie? What is it that makes me good enough for a fuck but not a date?”
“What? Brooks,” my voice cracks, and I feel so small. Is that what he thinks? “Brooks, baby, it’s –”
“I swear to god, say that line, and I’ll lose my shit.” I hear the waver in his voice as he focuses on anything but me.
“It’s true!” I shout, my tears spilling. “You think I don’t like you? Brooks, come on! I adore you, you giant asshole! I can’t have you, though!”
“Why not!” He shouts back.
“Because the last man I let in beat and raped me for two years!” I scream through my sobs. “Because I was a prisoner the last time I lived with a man! I had no money. I couldn’t buy pads without his permission and his money! Do you know the humiliation I endured, having my condition and having fucking Vincent tell me I was bleeding too much and he wasn’t paying for my pads? I left that place with no clothes, food, phone, or money. I refuse to be that helpless again! It doesn’t matter how much I like you because between my past and the fact that I can’t offer you a family, nothing can happen!” I’m shaking between my sobs as we stare at each other. Brooks’ gaze, no glare, is so dark and heated, and I don’t know who it’s meant for.
“So,” he licks his lips before letting out a dry laugh and shaking his head. “So because of something some fuck did—the same fuck I’m trying to protect you from—you won’t give me a chance? A chance to show you that a relationship isn’t supposed to be that way. A chance to show you what it’s like to be cared for. And if that isn’t a good enough excuse, you’re telling me that you also don’t want to be with me because you can’t have kids?”
“Brooks, you have a big fam–”
“I’m aware of the size of my family. That has nothing to do with me.” He states firmly. He looks so betrayed, and it guts me.
“The fact that you think you not being able to get pregnant is some sort of deal breaker like I didn’t know that months ago pisses me off. I can be patient and show you I’m a good guy while you heal from the trauma from that fucker. But what… How am I supposed to fix this? I could tell you I’m fine with no kids, and you will think I’m lying because I must be, right?”
“I just, I don’t want you to regret anything,” I say softly while wringing my hands together nervously.
Brooks shakes his head, his phone chimes, and he sighs when he looks at it. “I’m going to be late for my mom’s.” Nodding, I start for the door.
“Right, well, let’s go. I can fix my makeup in the Jeep.”
“No,” his voice sounds distant and detached, and I freeze. “No reason for you to go.” Furrowing my brows, I stare at him in confusion.
“I’m your girlfriend tonight.” I try to give him a smile, but it doesn’t deliver.
“Stevie, the only thing I regret is lying to my family about you. Because having to tell them the truth or another lie that you left me, it really sucks.”
“Well, don’t tell them.” I manage a small smile before gesturing to my dress. “I got dressed for you. I am going there for you.”
“Why? Now I know where I stand, why bother?” I’m silent for too long. I watch Brooks give me a broken look, and I feel in my soul that we aren’t going to recover from this.
“Stevie, I… Baby, I’m in love with you,” Oh… oh my god. “I’m so in love with you that if all I can have from you is the occasional hook-up, I’ll take it. Because a piece of you is better than none. But I need you to understand. Doing this… It’s like ripping my fucking heart out and grinding it under your shoe every goddamn time.” I gasp and clutch my chest. He’s in love with me? He’s in love with me, and I’ve been leading him on? For how long? He… he can’t.
“Please,” I sob out, my tears blinding me. He’s the only person I’ve felt comfortable with, and now I feel like I will have to let him go. “Don’t leave me, Brooks, please. We can stay friends! We can still hang out, and we can-“
“Don’t tell me we can stay friends,” he whispers, shaking his head. “Baby, the way I love you… do you think I could watch you in someone else’s arms? Watch you smile at him? No, we can’t stay friends because I don’t want to be friends. I am so sorry, baby, but that is the one piece I can’t keep.”
“This isn’t fair!” I cry out. “I can’t give you what you want!”
He gives me an irritated laugh. “I know, baby, and I won’t force you.”
“So that’s it?” I whisper, rubbing the ache in my chest.
“Yeah, baby, I think so. You’ll always be able to get to me if you need–” Shaking my head, I grab my keys and rip the door open. I need to get out of here. I need to get away from him.
Stevie
CHAPTER TEN
“Poor bear,” I recoil at Baka’s words as I sit in the cafe with Sadie, Indy, and Ren. I just told them all about the argument and confession from Brooks, and the last thing I need is Baka taking his side.
Though I can’t blame her, I would side with him, too.
