Page 9 of Derek
“Then I would’ve made him tea,” I state matter-of-factly as I slowly lie down next to her. “Stevie, I don’t know how much longer I can do this.” I confess softly as Stevie rests her head beside me and interlaces our hands.
“I love you, Indy, and I will carry you up those stairs for as long as I can, but I don’t think you can do this much longer, either.” I close my eyes and let out a breath. Hopefully, tomorrow will be a better day.
* * *
“Princess Indy!”Reegan, an eight-year-old girl, gasps when she sees me enter the room. My hair is straight and pinned up in a delicate updo with baby’s breath strategically placed throughout, and I’m wearing light, shimmery makeup complete with a pink princess gown. I smile brightly at the frail girl. Reegan is one of the little superheroes staying here at the children’s hospital while undergoing chemotherapy.
“Reegan!” I say brightly in my ‘princess’ voice. I give her a small curtsy, ignoring the scream my knee gives me. “My friends told me you have to stay here for the day, so I wanted to stop by and see you!” Reegan’s small, tired face lights up as she looks at her exhausted mom.
“Really? The whole time?” I walk into the room fully as I pull out my shimmery pink face mask from my dress pocket and put it on while washing my hands.
“But of course! You and I have a full day ahead of us! I’ve brought so many activities!”
* * *
“Indy, wait,”a familiar male voice calls as I make my way toward the exit of the hospital. It has been a long day. An absolutely amazing day, Reegan and I had a blast. I painted her toes, we watched movies, and I sang her some of her favorite princess songs while we colored. Then I let her pick out colors and designs for a hat that I plan to make for her. But as amazing as it all was, I’m exhausted.
I turn to see Liam, one of the residents, jogging up to me. Liam is a nice enough guy, I guess. He is a little cocky, and the kids don’t appreciate being referred to as a patient by him, but he’s never been outright mean, that I know of. Working here has its challenges, and we all cope with them differently. Some have difficulty getting too close and personal with the kiddos because of how some of their stories end, so I try not to fault anyone for their personalities or how they choose to cope. I give him a polite smile, even though I want nothing more than to leave. It took everything I had to change out of my outfit and into my clothes to go into Hel’s.
“Hey, Liam, what’s up?” I look into his green eyes. He runs a hand through his sandy hair.
“I was wondering if you might be interested in grabbing a coffee? I’m about to go to the cafe and could use a good conversation.”
I give him a small smile. “Sorry, I have to go to work. But you have my number, right? Text me if you need to talk.” I turn and start walking again, not allowing him to continue the conversation. I don’t date due to my progressive condition, but even if I did, I wouldn’t date someone at this hospital.
Getting my “job” here was pretty much because of a favor. The administrator likes me and told me I could come in and be with the kids, but if something were to happen with one of the staff, it could jeopardize that. I refuse to do anything that could potentially jeopardize helping these kids.
* * *
“I appreciate you doing this,”I say softly as Janie stands behind me in the break room, braiding my hair.
“Of course, my love,” she smiles softly. I stare into the reflection on the off television screen to watch my red-haired friend as she sections my hair. I watch her trembling hands as she expertly twists and combs my long locks. Janie has Essential Tremors, a neurological disorder that causes parts of her body to move uncontrollably. I know when her father died a couple of years ago, the tremors only mildly affected her head, it was mostly just in her hands, but recently it seems the disorder has progressed some. Her head is constantly moving in tiny little tremors, not that she lets it bother her. Janie is one of the most adaptable people I’ve ever met. She says that she wasn’t always like this, that before her dad passed, she hid her disorder like a dirty secret. Now, she doesn’t care who knows or what they think.
“If I’m too much, they can go find less.”It’s her motto, one that she loves to shove on all of us on days we feel too much.
“How are you feeling?” She asks as she moves to start the other braid. I absently play with my blue bracelet, knowing it’s about to go pink and feeling an overwhelming sense of sadness over it. I take a breath and smile.
“It’s been a fun day!” I say brightly. “I hung out with this young girl at the hospital. She’s adorable and has a thing for penguins, which is my favorite animal, so obviously she and I are now bonded for life. I’m going to make her a hat for when she’s in chemo, so I’m going to go get the supplies tomorrow, I think.”
Janie finishes the braid before coming around to stare at me, her deep blue eyes boring into my light blue ones. Janie’s eyes remind me of sapphires or the ocean from far away, whereas mine looks like the more translucent coast or aquamarines. “I asked how you are feeling.” She says slowly and…oh no, no Indy do not cry. It takes me all of five seconds to flip my mask on and bury the anger, the resentment, the sadness, and the pain. All my darkness, as it were. It loves to come and whisper in my ear, but I cannot let my friends see me in that light. If they do, I fear they’ll never look at me the same again.
“It’s a blue day,” I state flatly, my voice devoid of any emotion. “And I think it’s going to be pink soon.” I watch Janie’s face fall for a second before she wipes it away. Our group has one rule, we don’t pity each other. Our girlfriends are an interesting bunch. We became an unofficial support group for our illnesses and disorders, or “extra spices.” Janie has Essential Tremors; I have Multiple Sclerosis; Stevie has Uterine Fibroids and Endometriosis; my soon-to-be sister-in-law, Sunday, has Epilepsy and Atlas’ wife, Ren, has Type One Diabetes.
“Do you need to go to the hospital?” Janie asks, and I shake my head.
“No, but I’m going to have to get a hotel to stay at now. I can’t get up the steps at Stevie’s anymore.” I whisper as I hear someone walking by the break room.
“Come stay with me or Ren.” I roll my eyes.
“I can’t! I’m in the same predicament there! You and Ren can’t carry me, so I’m trapped unless the guys are home. At a hotel, I can get an accessible room and not have to worry about stairs or the shower.” Janie doesn’t seem convinced as she stares at me for another moment, but must decide not to want to press any further. Janie takes her leave, and I tell her I’ll be out in a minute. Once alone, I take another deep breath before my phone dings. I look down and smile softly at my big brother’s text.
Ash: Hey Indy
Me: Hey, how is Alabama? I miss you guys.
Ash: Alabama is…
Ash: Let’s just say I’m ready to come home. How are you?
