Page 41 of Derek
I stare at the large man as his leg continues to bounce, as it has been for three hours now. It’s driving me insane, but I’m trying to remain calm since we have roughly four hours left.
“Are you okay?” I ask and watch as he flinches.
“Huh? No, I mean yeah, fine.” He mutters, and I grab his massive hand. “Listen, I know you’re nervous about how I will be, but I promise, I do know how to take care of people. I was an outstanding nurse.” His brows furrow while looking at me.
“What? No, baby girl, I’m sure you were a fantastic nurse. I don’t doubt that.” I don’t know if the butterflies in my stomach are from the pet name or the confidence he has in me. I was never into pet names. I would gag whenever my brother called Sunday “Sunshine” or “Sweetheart.” But I don’t know, Derek calling me Darlin’ and baby girl does things to me. Albeit things I shouldn’t be feeling since this is platonic, but yeah, I’m not stopping him.
“So why are you so… jumpy?” I ask while standing up to stretch.
“Look, I don’t want to talk about this. Really, I don’t. But since you’re gonna be at the ranch, it will be brought up.” He rubs his face over his beard before giving me a nervous look. “I was married.”
“Yeah, and?” He blinks in confusion.
“And I ain’t now! Why are you so casual about that?”
I give him a half-shrug. “I figured you had been.”
“And what gave you that impression?”
“Just a feeling. Like when you are watching one of those romance movies, and the lonely, grouchy divorced man has turned his heart to stone because he was so abused when he gave it out before.”
“Well,” Derek blinks before shaking his head. “That’s very specific. But sure, I’m alone because my heart is made of stone, let’s go with that. Also, this ain’t a romance movie. If anything, this is a horror film.” He mutters, and I roll my eyes. I watch him shift uncomfortably and then sit back down next to him. I scoot closer and give him a reassuring smile.
“Did you know that penguins have unique names for their mates?” He laughs out of surprise as he looks at me.
“Do what now?” I gently pull my leg up on the seat and rest my cheek on my knee.
“Yeah, so like, think of it as a pet name, like how Atlas calls Ren ‘Princess’, right? So, when mating penguins are trying to reunite on the breeding ground, they start squalling. Well, to us, it sounds like squalling, but if we were all penguins, it would be like Atlas screaming ‘Princess’ at the top of his lungs.”
“Indy, Darlin’, I don’t know how I’m supposed to respond to that.” He laughs, shaking his head. I give him a shrug.
“You’re not supposed to. I just felt like it’s information everyone should know. Like that kissing stimulates more than one hundred billion nerve cells, and the average human heart beats approximately one hundred thousand beats per day.”
“So, you are just full of random facts?”
“Lots of time in hospitals, and when I was younger, I had to find ways to distract my mom and brother when they were upset, so I learned puns and facts, sang songs, crocheted things, whatever I could.”
“Why did you have to distract them?” He asks, and I give him a sad smile.
“My dad wasn’t the greatest guy. He left when I was really young. I only remember him because he returned for three days when I was about seven. Oddly enough, Ash wasn’t there at the time. But in that amount of time, he managed to, well, he just wasn’t very nice, but anyway, we were at the hospital with Ash, I’m getting a cast on my wrist, purple, by the way, and Ash was beside himself. The poor guy, you know how he is. He absorbs all the guilt like a sponge.” I cannot stop rambling, and I would love to stop, but Derek is looking at me, like really looking. His gaze is so intensely focused. “So ummm… while there, I just felt like he and Mom needed a distraction, so I just started shooting off facts I remembered from a book I read from the library. It seemed to make them feel better.” I smile brightly.
“Why were you getting a cast?” He asks, and I feel my mask slip slightly.
“Well, like I said, my dad wasn’t the best, and he lost his patience with me. I had a pretty bad stutter growing up, and it was easy for people to get annoyed with me when I couldn’t get my words out fast enough, mix that with my love for talking too much and the fact that he wasn’t used to it…”
“How are you saying this like you’ve forgiven him? Not only forgiven him, but understood where he was coming from?” I shrug.
“It’s easier to move on than to dwell. He broke my wrist, and I haven’t seen him since. Many more sad things have happened and will happen. He isn’t a part of my life anymore, so why allow him access to my emotions?”
He shakes his head as he sits back. “Your dad breaks your wrist, and you forgive him. My wife fucks my best friend nearly two decades ago, and I am ill thinking about seeing her again.” By the way, his eyes go wide, I can tell he didn’t mean for that to slip out. I toss him a bone, not wanting this wall of his that I’ve been chipping away at to rebuild itself taller and stronger.
“I don’t forgive him. Believe me, it still hurts to know that the first man that was supposed to protect me was the first to hurt me.” I look down at my hands, feeling the tingling in my left one. “But if I stayed back there and allowed that anger and fear to consume me, I wouldn’t be who I am. I wouldn’t be able to help the kids, be a friend, or any of that. But no, I’ll never forgive him.”
“How’s Reegan?” His question surprises me but also warms my chest.
“She’s actually recovering really well. I hope to have her hat done soon and ship it to her.”
“Did you bring it? You can work on it, don’t feel like you have to distract me.” I lean over and give him a playful smile.
