Page 26 of Derek
Have I ever heard her cuss before? Surely I have, but the word sounds so weird and ill-placed on her soft lips. I nod and take my leave, Ash following behind me. Indy slams the door and I hear the click of the lock, and guilt floods me instantly. I didn’t mean to make her feel unattractive. She’s anything but…
“Sorry,” Ash mutters as we head down the hall. “She’s my baby sister, and you’re like old enough–”
“Shut up.” I drawl out as I roll my eyes. “I am well aware of our age difference, thank you. She wasn’t answering the door for the food she ordered. I knew y’all went out, so I went to take it to make sure she was alright. The storm that passed by scared her, I guess. So I stayed until she calmed down.”
“Fuck, the storm.” He groans. “I completely forgot about the thunder. She’s got a thing about storms. I didn’t think about it because we rarely get them back home. Fuck, and it’s storming most of the weekend.” I wince inwardly as we walk towards the hotel room, where I am sure we will find Brooks all fucking snuggled into the goddamn bed.
“Well, I’m sure you’ll figure it out,” I mutter under my breath, though all I want to do is go back and make sure Indy is alright. I pissed her off, and I feel like that isn’t something easily accomplished with Indy. Great, and now I have fucking heartburn again.
Chapter12
Indy
“Trust me, she ain’t my type.”
It’s not the first time I’ve heard it. Hell, I’ve probably heard that one over twenty times now. But that was a whole new level of hurt when Derek said it. Not because I thought anything would happen between us, because even if he had been attracted to me, I don’t date, and I don’t have sex. I don’t break those rules.Ever.For anyone. No one can get that close to me because I won’t allow anyone to change their life for me. Hospitals, relapses, infusions, meds, down days, and the times I have to bring out my cane or wheelchair… I won’t be someone’s obligation or burden. It’s why I stopped living with Ash. My brother was content being my caregiver for the rest of his life, and while I love him, I need to be more independent while I still can.
Multiple Sclerosis isn’t necessarily a fatal disease, and there isn’t even a high chance I’ll need to go into an assisted living facility, at least, right now. Things can and do change, though. A relapse could be bad, and I could lose my independence. It’s happened before. When I was diagnosed with MS, it was after I had lost the ability to walk. Mom and Ash had been trying to get me help for two years at that point. I’d been having terrible headaches, my arms and legs weren’t working right, I was depressed, and all I wanted was to sleep. The doctors said it was depression, a pinched nerve, and even a cry for attention.
I was still a nurse at the children’s hospital then and was having a bad day on the floor. I couldn’t think of how to check my vitals. I remember the doctor walking in and looking at me. He asked me if I was okay, and I started slurring my words. I thought I was having a stroke, and they immediately got to work on me. It was only a few hours before I couldn’t move my legs. Ash came in and lost it on everyone, demanding they figure it out. After the MRI, they saw the lesions from the flare-up and were able to ‘tentatively’ diagnose me. It took more time, more tests, more eliminating other possible diseases before I could be fully diagnosed. From the moment of the vitals check to being able to walk again fully took six months, and it was two months later that I had my MS tag.
‘Not my type.’
Ugh, I hate how much his words affect me. I know why it does. I have this stupid massive crush on Derek. I never planned on making a move, but the fantasy was nice. Then he had to go and ruin it.
I wiggle into my ripped, skinny black jeans and slip my Hel’s Ink high-neck crop top on. It’s one of my favorite designs. Janie designed it. It’s a beautiful woman with flowy hair and empty black sockets where her eyes should be, tears run from the holes, and behind her is a dark demon whispering in her ear. It’s so dark and twisted, and I adore it. I also relate to it.
Looking at myself in the mirror, I am thankful for my membership in the itty bitty titty committee because my hands can't button my jeans right now, let alone clasp together a bra. I reach for my mascara tube and frown as I try to open the tube, failing. Anger surges through me, something I am trying not to feel, but it’s here, and like the demon on my shirt, my own darkness is laughing and whispering in my ear.
“Stop it,” I whisper, squeezing my eyes shut. “Happy thoughts Indy, happy. Be thankful.” I whisper, shakingly. “I can talk, I can walk, my friends are happy,”
But not you… my darkness whispers. Poooor Indy, doomed to watch everyone else find their happily ever after while you play the eternally damned princess, locked away in a tower by your own doing.
“I got dressed today,” I say through gritted teeth, trying to quiet him.
Did you, though? No bra, no makeup, oh, and you have to forgo your favorite boots for slip-ons. And you are going to have to ask someone to button your pants. But you are all alone. Forever alone, Indy.
“I have my amazing nephews, Wade and Howie.”
But never will you be a mom-my.The voice taunts me in a sing-song voice, and I lose it. I scream as I grab my boot and throw it as hard as possible. It hits the mirror, causing it to shatter, and sharp pieces fall onto the ground and dresser. I jump as my door flies open, and I find a panting, wide-eyed Derek standing in my doorway.
“Are you alright?” He breathes, and I raise a brow.
“What are you doing here?” I snap as I stand up and walk toward him. “What do you want from me?” I spit out as my anger continues to remind me that I’ll never have anyone. I’m a burden, an obligation. I would be better off to everyone if I were de–
“Hey!” I jolt in surprise at the crisp growl erupting out of Derek. “Darlin’, you are way too small to have an attitude that big, so let’s take it down a notch.”
“And you’re way too pretty to be such a crotchety asshole all the time, but here we are.” His stone expression morphs into a mixture of shock and maybe amusement.
“You… think I’m pretty?” His tone is amused, and it turns the volume down on my darkness for whatever reason.
“Well,” I feel suddenly shy as a flush of heat creeps to my cheeks. “Yes.” My voice holds a confidence I don’t actually feel. “You are very pretty.” Is he… blushing?
“Uhm, well, you’re…” He rubs the back of his neck, and I watch his eyes flick behind me. “What happened?” He asks as he forces himself all the way in. I shut the door and look around at the mess of shattered glass, feeling suddenly too hot and heavy.
“I,” my voice cracks, and goddamn it Indy, stop being this way! You are strong! “I had a moment. I’m fine now, and I’ll pay for the damages.”
“Well, it’s not my hotel, so I’m not really concerned about the property damage.” His eyes move up and down my body, and I feel goosebumps erupt over my body. “Are you alright?” My bottom lip quivers at the softness in his tone. I stare at him and slowly shake my head.
