Page 53 of Derek
The medics come in, and they’ve taken him to the ambulance within seconds. I follow, barely making it down the steps. My brain is mush right now, and my body is screaming, but all I can think is that I need to get into that ambulance.
“Ma’am,” The paramedic stops me. “You can’t–”
“I would think twice about finishing that sentence,” I warn through gritted teeth as I shove past him and try my damndest to get up in the back of the ambulance. My body shakes and screams, and I am so thankful when I feel Jensen heave me into the back. I thank him as I walk in and sit by his head while they hook him up to the monitors.
“I’m right here,” I whisper as I kiss his head. “I won’t leave you.”
Chapter22
Indy
“I’ll have my boys bring you a change of clothes,” Dorothy tells me over the hospital phone. I haven’t left since we got here two days ago. All I can do is sit in the chair beside his bed, staring at him and willing him to wake up. I called back home to let everyone know what happened, and they said they would take care of everything. Ren was able to talk to the nursing agency, and a temporary nurse is coming out to help until Ozzy can get there since I can’t help anymore. How could I? I can’t leave him. Even though everyone tells me there is nothing I can do, I can’t move from my seat.
“Don’t… leave me… alone.”
My lip wobbles, and a small, treacherous sob sneaks out as his words play in my head again.
“Indy?” Dorothy’s voice on the phone startles me. How long have I been out of it? “What about your medication?”
“Sorry,” I whisper. “I uhh…I don’t need clothes; they offered me some scrubs. I’ll let you know if anything changes.” Dorothy says something, but I don’t hear it as I hang up the phone and stare at Derek’s pale, sleeping face. He had surgery to stop the internal bleeding, and it felt like the bags of donor blood were never-ending. He looks so weak, so frail. Nothing like the powerful, dominating man I’ve been crushing on for so long.
“Wake up.” My wavy voice grits out as I glare at him. “I haven’t left you. Don’t you dare leave me. Wake. Up.” Hot tears stream down my face as I hear it in my head.
You know,my darkness whispers, rearing its ugly head for the first time in a while.He’s only in this position because of you.
I feel my jaw pop as I continue to stare at the unconscious man.
Little Indy, always needing help. He refused to be far from the house because you might need him. Had you stayed home, he would be fine right now.
“Shut up,” I whisper as I close my eyes.
Open your eyes!They scream.Look what you did! What you always do! Indy, always trying to be the hero and prove how capable you are ever since you were little. You were a disaster then, and you sure are one now.
A whimper leaves my throat as I rest my head on the bed and hold Derek’s hand. “I’m sorry,” I whisper as my tears drench the blanket.
If you were sorry, you would let everyone live their lives without having to pretend like they want to deal with you. Everyone would be better off if you were–
I jump as the door to Derek’s hospital room flies open.
“Janie!” I cry out as she and Fox walk in. Janie runs over and wraps me in a hug as I sob into her chest. The voice temporarily silenced.
“Shhhh…” she whispers. “Come on,” she pulls back, wincing as she looks at me. “Oh babe, Let’s go, I’ll help you get a shower, and Fox can watch Derek.” I shake my head.
“No,” I say through a sob. “No, Derek said…” I squeeze my eyes, and a loud cry tries to escape. “He said not to leave him. I can’t… I can–”
“Shhhhh…” I cry against her chest as it all hits me again. “Indy, we will be right in there. Fox will get us if anything happens, okay?”
“Yeah, Indy,” Fox places a large hand on my back. “Go get cleaned up. I got this.” I look at Derek’s sleeping form, then at his monitors, and finally, his bags of medication and fluids, and everything looks fine. I nod slowly before walking over to the head of his bed and leaning over to kiss his head.
“Fox and Janie are here,” I whisper shakingly. “I’m going to get cleaned up, and I’ll be right back…” Pressing my lips to his head, I take a shaky breath before following Janie into the bathroom. I see the black scrubs sitting on the sink where the nurse put them two days ago. Looking in the mirror, I can’t help but flinch. I’m covered in dried blood, my hair is a rat’s nest, and I look exhausted.
“We are going to get you cleaned up,” Janie says while helping me undress. “Then I’m ordering you some food, and finally, I’m going to the ranch with Fox. We’ll get your charger and medication that I’m sure you haven’t been taking.” She turns the shower on as I stand completely naked.
No. I haven’t taken my medication, brushed my teeth, or eaten. I haven’t done anything besides listen to doctors and stare at Derek for the last two days.
I step into the shower and watch the white tile go red. The water is washing off the blood, his blood. I feel a panic course through me at the sight of it.
“Oh no,” I whisper. “No, that’s his!” I look at Janie helplessly. “That’s all I have! What if he needs it? That’s…”
