Page 41 of Ash
“Shut up.” She rolls her eyes and begins removing her shoes. “Your clothes are form-fitting, you need something looser.” I give her a skeptical look but do as she says, because, well honestly, the distraction is nice. I slip into pajama pants and a baggy shirt before looking at her.
“What’s next, madam? Or is it mistress?” I wink as she pushes me back onto the bed. She looks like she’s about to say something smart, but her face falls as her hand covers my chest. She looks up at me, her pretty features etched with concern.
“Charming, your heart is pounding.”
“Well, I mean, there is a hot woman in my bedroom.” Unamused, she narrows her eyes, and I sigh, sitting on the edge of my bed. “And when I’m having an episode, a rapid heartbeat is part of it.”
“I know that, but you’re goofing off with me. I thought it was lessening.” She looks me over and I nudge her shoulder.
“I mean, it is some, I’m just really good at hiding it. I have them a lot, but since I’m a man–”
“Stop that,” she scolds and shoves me back onto the bed. “You shouldn’t have to wear a mask in front of people when you’re having a panic attack and you definitely shouldn’t feel like just because you’re a man, you have to suck it up or some shit.” I flinch slightly at her familiar words as they dredge up bad memories. I watch in curiosity as she crawls onto the bed and straddles my waist.
“It’s not that I don’t want it–”
“Oh my god, Ash, shut up!” she groans and covers my mouth with her hand. “This isnotsexual. Now close your eyes and your big mouth.” I snort but do as I’m told. I feel her lay her full body on top of me, giving me her entire weight. I furrow my brows.
“Are you trying to suffocate me? Because it’s not working.”
“Are you so terrified of your inner thoughts that you refuse to be quiet?” My eyes shoot open, and I stare up at her, completely taken aback by her words.
“Yes,” I admit softly, and I think she is as shocked by my admission as I am by what she said. I watch her face soften and I am about to tell her to stop when she reaches up and kisses my head.
“Okay, I am going to lie on you. The added weight will help your anxiety. And I’m going to turn on your TV, find a show and debate you on it, explaining exactly why your viewpoints are wrong.” And she does. Sunday lies on my chest for hours. Talking and laughing with me, all while making sure to check in on me every so often. Never once did she laugh or make me feel bad for having an attack. I have never been so grateful to have a panic attack that caused me to black out and end up somewhere random, because now I’m in bed watching TV with her.
Chapter17
Sunday
Iflop onto my bed and let out a long yawn. I hate how quiet the apartment is. Wade is staying with Ren and Atlas tonight because I have surgery tomorrow to have the VNS device removed. It probably would have been easier to ask Ash or Indy, but I didn’t want to ask him after his panic attack yesterday.
I grab my remote to turn on the television when I hear a familiar knock on my wall. My heart rate quickens, and I hate it. I am about to knock back, as per our ritual to signal that one of us is about to text. But as I’m about to knock back, there is another thud, and another… Oh God, is he?
Heat rushes to my face as I jump off my bed and storm out of my room as the annoyance rushes through me. How dare he? He knows my bed isrightthere.
I walk across the hall and try his apartment door without bothering to knock. When I enter, I startle Indy, who is watching tv on the couch.
“Sun–”
“No time,” I state as I walk past her and down the hall. I reach Ash’s closed door and smack on it several times.
“Hey!” I yell. “You wanna continue to try to beat the record on one-night stands with the girls you pick up at Hel’s? Go for it but move your fucking bed!” My body shakes with adrenaline, and I nearly run when the door swings open and a sweaty and shirtless Ash stands in the doorway. At least he put pants on. I notice his breathing is labored, and a smirk is forming on his face.
“You know, Sunshine,” he says on a breathy laugh. “I could be gracious and not make you feel like a dick but.” He shrugs. “I’m in a shit mood today, so I’m going to make it your problem.” Ash backs away, opening his door fully. I look inside and notice he’s the only person in here. At the foot of his bed sits his weights and an exercise mat.
“Oh.” Fuck, this won’t end well. “Well… my bad,” I state as I turn to walk away before my cheeks get any redder.
“My bad?” He barks out a laugh. “You just barged in here and said all that shit and your response is, ‘my bad’? I think you owe me better than that. Don’t I have feelings? Am I not a human?”
“Fine,” I state as I look up at him. “I’m sorry,” I mutter through gritted teeth. “Happy?” Ash taps a finger to his chin.
“I think you could do better,” he purrs in a low tone I can feel in my core. I let out a shaky breath to try to get my bearings. When did he get so close? When did I back up against the wall? “Come on, Sunshine,” he teases. “You wounded me.”
“Yeah, you look super affected.” I go to push him away, but he grabs my wrist and pins it against the wall over my head. “Hey!” I cry out in surprise and shove him with my other arm, only for it to end in the same fate. He lowers his head and looks me in the eye.
“Tell me, Sunshine,” he whispers in that same purr. “What if I was with someone else?” I glare at him as I feel the jealousy coming back.
“That’s your business, fuck whoever you want. But I have surgery in the morning and need sleep, so I need to go,” I snap. His eyes widen and I feel his hands loosen on my wrists. I take the opportunity and shove him so I can get some space. He moves, though I think it’s more so because he wants to, not because I have any real effect.
