Page 25 of Atlas
Amelia: Donny clocked her, fucker needs to get a dose of karma.
God damn it. Donny. Donny is my mother’s on again off again drug dealer boyfriend.
Me: Thought she was done with that shit
I shouldn’t be a dick like this. Addiction is not something you can snap out of overnight and I realize that. But families of the addicts suffer too, sometimes more and there is no escape for us. Just constant guilt and worry.
Amelia: Way to care about our mother. Fucking spoiled much? Anyway, it’s going to be $300 for dr and the pain pills are $50.
I stop myself from throwing my phone across the room and take a breath. Opening the messaging app backup and type out a quick message.
Me: I’ll be there in fifteen.
Chapter 10
Atlas
This is it. This is the moment where I die. I fight for a breath as I fall to my knees and then collapse onto the hard ground.
“I’m done…it’s over…” I pant.
“Stop being a pussy.” Fox lets out a laugh as he swings his axe into the stump next to him. “That’s what you get for getting those muscles in the gym.”
I groan against the ground before rolling over onto my back. “This, ugh fuck, this isn’t what I had in mind when I agreed to hang out with you.”
Fox grunts as he sits next to me, leaning against the stump. “Yeah well, you came over here looking like a fucking maniac. I knew you needed to get that shit out before we could have an actual talk.”
I scoff as I try to prop myself up, but my arms are limp noodles. It’s fine though, I prefer the hard, dirty ground anyway. “So what, Papa Fox is going to get all emotional with me? How many years did I get classified as the “bitch” of Hel’s for talking about feelings?”
Fox winces and shrugs his shoulders. “Yeah, that might’ve been a dick thing to do. Look, I’m not asking you to cry on myshoulder or some shit. I’m just saying, you are not the usual Atlas, and I’m worried about you, man.”
His words give me the boost I need to stand up, despite the screaming protest of my entire body. “Oh right, you mean because I’m not the happy-go-lucky idiot of the shop?” Fox stands to speak, but I stop him. “No man, I’m fucking sick and tired of always,alwayshaving to have the fucking grin on my face. To be okay. To be happy. I’m fucking NOT okay and I’m NOT happy!” I scream out as I grab his axe and pound it into the stump again and again.
“She thinks I’m a skirt chaser! I’m on this fucking probation. I have to go to these stupid fucking classes, and probate officers and community service.” I slam into the stump again. “I have Millie and my mom, all over the worst parts of downtown, doing god knows what to get a hit, and then sending me photos of their marks to get more money for drugs.”SLAM.“I’m a loser in Lauren’s parent’s eyes, meaning I will never be accepted.”SLAM.“I’m never accepted. Atlas is good for a laugh or a lay, but he isn’t relationship material. He isn’t a good boyfriend, husband, son, brother, friend.”SLAM SLAM SLAM.
I drop the axe as I pant over and over, my body beyond done, as well as my mind. Fox stares at me for a moment before I manage to croak out, “Why doesn’t anyone want me Fox?” I watch as my best friend closes the space and pulls me into a tight hug. I try not to cry, I really do, but as he pats my back and tells me it’s going to be alright, I will admit that I began to cry silently. It’s all just too much, and I’m just too alone.
I groanwith each painful step as I walk from the elevator to the apartment. I go to unlock the deadbolt, only to discover it’s already unlocked. Walking in, I see a flash of blonde hair turn around and head back to the kitchen. Raising a brow, I make my way towards her.
“How many times have I told you not to leave the door unlocked? Hey, what’s wrong?” I ask as I see her hunched over the sink. She shakes her head rapidly but doesn’t answer. Walking up behind her, I rub my hand over her back.
“Lauren?” I ask and she sinks lower.
“I don’t,” her voice cracks and she sniffles. “I don’t want to be Lauren.”
“Okay?” I say, slowly. “Well, who do you want to be?” Whipping her head, she looks at me with her bloodshot eyes, bloodshot eyes that I’m sure match mine.
“Princess,” she squeaks. “Pretty girl…everything you said.” I give her a soft smile before pulling her into my embrace.
“You will always be my Princess.” I whisper as I hold her tighter. We stay like that for several moments and something begins to feel different. I feel like I’m in a dream state. Everything is real, but not quite. The anger, the sadness, the stress and worry, it is gone. I pull her face to look up at me and when I do, I notice she has a dreamy look on her face.
“Are you okay?” I ask and she nods.
“I’m the calmest I’ve felt in I don’t know how long.” She murmurs as she hugs me again. I rest my cheek on the top of her head.
This is the calmest I’ve felt too.
Chapter 11
