Page 23 of Atlas
Each apology is a knife in my heart. All I want to do is fix this for her, to take all of the hurt she is feeling and absorb it into me so she never feels like this again. I feel her fingers digging into the fabric of my dress shirt as she buries herself deeper into my torso.
I press my lips on the top of her hair while I shush and lull her the best I can. “It’s okay, you don’t need to be sorry, Princess.” I kiss her head again, enjoying the warm vanilla scent of her shampoo. “I am so sorry I scared you.” I manage to get out, even though it feels as though I am cracking. Watching this strong woman break like this, it puts me into fixer mode. Butthis time I cannot fix it. This time there isn't someone I can beat nearly to death.
“I’m sorry,” she chokes out, while trying to get control of her breathing. “For the party, for my dad. You,–” her voice squeaks and the sobs start again. “You didn’t deserve it. You are so wonderful and any woman would be lucky.” She sniffles in a less than attractive way, but it doesn’t matter, she is the most adorable creature I’ve ever seen, snot and all.
“Any woman, huh?” I say with a small laugh, wishing anything I had the balls to ask her what I really wanted to.
What about you?
Howard snorts loudly,“Sounds to me like they deserve to be hit with a bat.” He states as he drops his playing hand. He wins, again. I have been sitting here for forty-five minutes losing all my snacks to Howard. I think it’s because I’m distracted talking about Ren. She and I haven’t really spoken since we got back to the apartment a couple of days ago. Ren has been staying in her room or she is out with her friends. She won’t answer my texts unless it’s a yes, no or thumbs up, and it’s beginning to wear on me.
“Yeah, trust me,” I mutter as I fork over the candy bar. “I was ready to knock my new father-in-law’s lights out. When he said she might have high blood pressure. I just,” I growl in frustration as I run my hand through my hair, tugging on it slightly. “I can’t believe that none of them see what I see.”
I pull out my phone and hand it to Howard. I have exactly two pictures of Ren. The one she sent me of her and Bruno, andthe other was one Stevie took when she got there to stay with Bruno while we were at the dinner, when we had thought we would be gone longer.
Howard holds the phone like it's a fragile crystal as he stares at the photo. “Now there is a beautiful woman.” I see the corner of his mouth twitch up in a rare smile as he stares at her. He goes to hand the phone back, but his finger slips and the photo of her and Bruno comes up. Now he is full on smiling. “That one…” He says handing the phone back. “That’s the one you’ll remember when you look like me.”
“Is that so?” I give a small chuckle as I look down at her scrunched up face. I can’t lie, it is my favorite of the two.
“Yep, anyone can get all dolled up and plaster on a respectable smile. But that photo, well son you have true happiness and beauty captured in there. Treasure it. And you had better do right by her and stand up for her.” His voice grows serious as he points at me. “A man never lets his girl feel less because some fucker isn’t man enough to realize what a prize she is. Father or not.”
“I know you ain’t over there cussing Howard!” Betty scolds as she drops her folders at the nurses’ station.
“You know I fought in the war, right? I should be able to say fuck every now and then.” He grumbles as I help him clean up the cards.
“Alright Howard,” I chuckle as I motion towards the hall, “Let’s go get you shaved up.”
Howard stares up at me in confusion. “What? Boy, is this some sort of sex thing?”
Letting out a surprised laugh, I take him out to our spot outside where Betty has laid out some towels and a bowl of water next to the shaver and shaving cream. It’s raining so we stay under the covered awning, allowing the rain to act as ambient noises.
“You know,” Howard starts as I place a damp towel over his face to soften his skin. “My wife used to complain about the way I shaved. I always missed some here and there. Said it was because I was always in a rush to get moving, get to work.” His eyes go distant and he gets a small smile on his face. “She called me Patch because of it.”
My lips pull upwards as I apply the shaving cream, the nickname is sweet. Made me think about Ren and my names for her. I thought about the nickname her brother and father called her…bird.Why was that? Did she like to sing, and it was a term of endearment?
“It’s funny,” Howard’s chuckle is forced, and I know it’s to hide the sadness coming. “I missed a spot once when we were in our thirties, and that’s when Patch started. So every couple of weeks, or whenever she was sad, I would miss a spot again, just so she would rub my jaw there and say‘Nice to see you again, Patch’.I haven’t had a patch since she died until now. Heh… maybe that means I’m getting closer to seeing her.” I want to tell him no, that he shouldn’t think like that, but who am I to tell him not to want to be with his wife?
“Atlas?” My name sounds like a song and I know there is only one person that can sing it that way. I turn my head and see Ren standing outside of the awning under her blue umbrella. She’s wearing a long black maxi dress with poppy flowers all over and a light denim crop jacket.
“Hey Princess,” I smirk as I turn back to wipe Howard’s face off. “What are you doing here?”
She walks under the awning and closes her umbrella. “Well, it’s raining outside, and you drove that silly death trap over here because you’re a man and know better than the weather channel.”
Howard lets out a hearty laugh as he smacks my chest. “I like her.” I chuckle at Howard’s words. Yeah, I like her too.
“Hi, I’m Lauren, most call me Ren.” She smiles politely and offers her hand to Howard, who graciously accepts.
“I’m Howard. I’m the one that your husband was assigned to babysit by the courts.” Ren laughs lightly as she sits on the bench next to Howard.
“Yeah, well, had I known he was keeping such handsome company, maybe I would’ve tagged along.”
Wait, is she flirting with Howard? What the hell? She never even flirts with me!
Cool it Atlas, he’s in his nineties.
Howard claps his hands together and barks out another raspy laugh, obviously enjoying Ren’s affection. I can’t blame him, if she flirted with me like that I would melt. But again,she doesn’t.And it really sucks because she’s apparently really good at it.
Shaking my head, I grab the towels and bowl to take inside. “Are you two going to be able to behave while I’m gone?” I tease as Howard raises a brow.
