Page 53 of Atlas
“No.” I bark out, causing her to flinch. Instantly I hate myself, but I don’t have it in me to fix it right now. “Just leave me alone, Lauren.” I sigh, feeling exhausted.
“What?” She whispers out, her voice hitching.
“Leave. I don’t need you here. I don’t need anyone here. I’m not a child, I don’t want to be coddled.” I tighten my fist on my thigh as I try to hold back the heartache.
“Atlas, I… I agree that this is heartbreaking because he mattered to you, but Howard hated it here. He couldn’t wait to get to his wife again.”
“So he’s better off dead?” I sneer as I glare at her. “Is that it Lauren? Are you happy for him? Are you happy he’s gone? The one fucking person in my life that I could just talk to. No expectations, no judgment He wanted nothing from me but time and fucking snacks. He’s gone and I’m left here in this shit hole on probation for another six fucking months and I’m fucking alone.”
“I-I’m here.” She whispers, and I jerk my head in the opposite direction.
“Yeah, well again, you can go.” I hear her breathe in sharply before standing.
“Okay, I will go, if that is what you really want.” I look up at her in time to watch a tear slide down her cheek.
“I said I did, didn’t I?” I whisper and the tiny sob that escapes her, it wrecks me. I watch her go through the lobby doors and back outside.
I hate myself. Hate isn’t a big enough word. But I need Ren to go. I can’t let her see me break, and I can’t let her see what I’m about to do.
Knock
Knock
Knock
I look at the number on the stained and dented apartment door to make sure it’s the correct number. I hear movementinside and when the door opens, I’m taken aback by the foul smell of old food, booze and filth.
“Hey mom.” I say softly and she leans against the door frame.
“Ahhh…look at that, too good for me in front of your wife, but now that she’s not around, you come crawling back.” I slump my shoulders and nod slowly.
“Someone close to me passed. Mom, can I just, please. Can I come in?” I look up to see her staring at me, arms crossed with a contemplative look on her face.
“What do you have on you?” I pat my pockets and pull out my wallet.
“Two hundred.” I say, she nods and moves so I can walk in.
“Thirty minutes, then I have to go meet a friend.” She sits on the couch and I try not to cringe at the literal filth as I sit at the opposite end. I watch as she downs whatever liquid she has in her cup before looking at me. “Alright, let’s hear it.”
I explain the situation to her. The fake marriage, the parole, Howard, and how I’ve grown closer to Ren over these months.
“I think I’m in love with her.” I admit as I rub my hands over my face. “And I don’t know what to do. She’s completely out of my league, her parents hate me and to top it all off, I am terrified that if she does end up loving me back, I’ll lose her too.”
Mom is silent as she looks at the clock on the wall before letting out a breath and standing. “Well, this has been fun. Now pay up.”
I furrow my brows and look at the clock. “I have five minutes. You know the deal, I tell you my issue and you act like a mother for a minute and give me advice, then you get paid.”
“Atlas, what do you want me to say?” She laughs while shaking her head. “An old man in a home died, that’s what happens. And blondie will stay with you no matter what, you have money and insurance. Two things you said she needs. I’m not seeing the problem. Now I have problems,”
I roll my eyes. “Yeah, that’s an understatement.”
“Watch your tone, boy, I’m still your mother.” She says through clenched teeth.
“Then fucking act like it! I do everything in my power to take care of you. Probably too much! All I wanted was half a fucking hour to talk to my mother about my shit, and I’m paying for it! That old man was more of a parent to me than you ever were. Growing up I would’ve given anything to have other parents!”
“Are you saying you wish I hadn’t had you, Atlas?” She asks, her voice as cold as ice. “Because believe me, son. I tried to get rid of you. I’ve been trying your whole damn life to get rid of you. But like a damn cockroach, you keep coming back.”
I stare at her cold, hateful eyes in shock and betrayal. “You’ve tried to get rid of me?” I manage over the lump growing in my throat.
