Page 29 of Atlas
Mom: Atty
Mom: Atty baby, it’s your mommy. I need money. Please, son, I am in trouble.
I grip the phone so tight in my hand I am stunned it doesn’t break. But as the phone buzzes again, I lose my cool and chuck it with all my strength against my dresser. I hear the satisfying crunch of the electronic before storming out of the room. I feel it, the violence, the rage…it’s forcing its way up like a volcano and I’m seconds from erupting. It’ll never be enough, I will never be enough. I know that right now my mother is sending messages tomy broken phone, telling me how terrible I am. How I only care about myself.
I need to get out of here., I need to go hit something. I need to drink. I need…
I glance at Ren’s open door and something pulls me to her room. Walking in, I stare at her slumbering figure and I feel alone. Thoughts of her hug come to mind and I wonder if that calming effect would happen a third time.
I hear a faint vibration. My phone evidently is still working, and it causes my anxiety to begin to choke me.
Without thinking, I slip out of my jeans, leaving me in a shirt and boxers, and I slip into Ren’s bed. She shifts and groans before she gasps and jolts awake.
“Atlas!” She breathes in relief when she realizes it’s me. “What in the hell are you doing?”
I don’t know how to answer her. I don’t know what I’m doing. All I know is I’m breaking and I know if I walk out of this apartment, I will do something that I will regret.
“I know you’re sleeping,” My voice is cracking as I speak, but I don’t care right now. I slipped into my dream girl’s bed while she was sleeping because I’m scared, and my alpha male points have flown out the window. “But I–Ren, I really need to hold you, please?”
I wait for her to tell me to stop being weird and get out. Ren is protective of her personal space. Something I’ve become very aware of since moving in. But she surprises me by propping herself up on her arm and staring down at me. The lights from outside cast a cool glow over her.
“What do you need me to do?” Her sleepy voice holds no annoyance, no judgment, just genuine concern and it’s too much. I feel the tears come out before I can stop them and she is on me in an instant.
Ren grabs my shirt and pulls me onto her chest. I’m nervous at first that I’ll be too heavy, but she is insistent. She guides my head to lay on top of her chest, allowing me to hear her lulling heartbeat while she runs one hand through my hair and the other over my arm. Her lips press to my head and I feel like someone is going to revoke my man card, but I don’t care. I need this. I need her.
“Ren…” I manage out through my not so silent tears.
“Shh…” She whispers as she holds me tighter to her. “I don’t need to know right now. Just lay here as long as you need, okay?”
I let out a half laugh, half sob as my hand grips her side tighter, as if I’m afraid she might float away. “What if I need to be here forever?” I mentally punch myself at that comment.Really dude? Could you sound any weirder or desperate?
“Then I’m going to need snacks.” She jokes as she kisses my head again, causing my nervousness to subside, at least a little. “You’re safe with me, Atlas, okay? Cry, scream, sleep, do what you need, I’m here.”
“Why?” I ask as I look up at her. Her face, so soft and comforting as she continues to run her nails over my scalp. Fuck, it feels amazing. If I died right now, I would be one hundred percent okay with it.
“Because you have done the same for me,” she states softly, with a light shrug. “Because I know what it’s like, the feeling when you’re falling and wishing, just once, that you didn’t have to try to catch yourself.” She lets out a light, breathy laugh. “I mean, you did beat up my abusive boyfriend for me.”
I tense and I feel the heat rushing through me again. “Don’t call him that.” I say through gritted teeth.
“Call him what?” She drops her hands and I bite back a growl in protest.
“Don’t call that fucker your boyfriend. He’s a useless, worthless waste of space who doesn’t deserve that title.”
She mutters something under her breath that I don’t quite catch. “What was that?” I ask, sitting up.
Ren sighs as she rests her back against her headboard. “I said he is not much different from the others.” I feel myself shorting out at the realization. This is it, the volcano is erupting. There are others? Others that hurt her?
“You’re telling me that other men have hurt you?” I ask slowly, and she winces, possibly regretting her decision to say anything. I start to get up, but she grabs my shirt, trying to pull me down. It’s no use though, I had allowed her to pull me into her before. I had given her the control, but I am too strong for Ren to move on her own.
“Where are you going?” She asks as I try to gently pry her fingers off my shirt.
“Ideally? To find every single fucking man that has ever hurt you and beat them with a baseball bat.” She grabs my shirt tighter, so I twist myself and slip out of the shirt and stand up. Ren reaches over and turns her bedside lamp on before glaring at me.
“Stop it Atlas, you are not going to find any of them. You’re going to leave here and do something stupid and end up in prison.” While she’s one hundred percent right, I feel the sudden urge to fight her.
“Oh, so if I’m doing something, it must be stupid? Why? Because everything Atlas does is stupid?” She rolls her eyes, annoyed but unwilling to fight me. “I’m waiting for your response.”
“Oh, I know you are.” She says calmly, her arms over her chest. Now that there is light, I can see she is in blue plaid pajama shorts and a white tank top, oh god not now. I am in my fucking boxers and I can feel my treacherous cock, once again trying to be part of a conversation he wasn’t invited to. “Come here.” Ren orders, but I stubbornly hold fast. She growls infrustration and my fucking cock twitches in response. That's just perfect.
