Page 31 of My Husband's Wife
What I can’t do is sit on this beach all day and ignore my problems. I call Zach.
Several rings later, he answers. ‘Eva, I’m working.’ He sounds out of breath.
‘It’s three on a Sunday afternoon.’
His moment of silence does nothing to put my mind at rest; and then it sounds like he’s put me on hold while he finishes what he was doing. I wonder if Nicole was with him while Mum and I were looking after Aaron. After all, if I’m to believe her dad, she’s lied to me – big time, so why do I keep feeling sorry for her? I can’t stop thinking about everything else she said. Nicole told me I couldn’t trust her and I’m assuming the him I couldn’t trust is Zach. There’s no way she could know about Theo and my suspicions.
Zach is back on the call. ‘Sorry, I just poured a coffee. I know I shouldn’t be working now but I couldn’t sleep last night, so I had a lie-in. There’s no one managing the site today so I’m on my own, which is why I started late.’
‘You sounded out of breath.’
‘I ran downstairs to grab my phone when you called.’
‘Zach, I know.’ This is where I hope he’ll confess to whatever he’s hiding. I want him to talk about his brother and Nicole.
‘What?’
‘I know.’
‘I don’t know what you’re on about, Eva. Should I be worried?’
My mouth waters and I feel nauseous. I’m not a confrontational person, not normally, but I’m feeling far removed from my usual normal self. When I go down this dark path, I become more confrontational but this time I hope I haven’t put two and two together and come up with five. ‘I know about your brother.’
‘I-I can’t do this right now, not over the phone.’
I’m going to make him. He can’t leave me hanging like this, full of uncertainty and anxiety. I won’t let him. ‘I went up to the study. You left the skylight open and I saw all the articles scattered on the floor. You never told me the truth about what happened to Justin.’
The sound of something hitting a wall makes me flinch. I think Zach is hyperventilating or is he breathing deeply? I can’t tell. I wish I’d FaceTimed him. ‘I don’t want to think about it, I can’t.’
‘It’s okay, Zach. Is that why you took this job, to be close to him on the anniversary?’
He pauses before answering. ‘I needed to be here. It’s twenty-five years since I lost him. I had to be with Dad.’
‘Why didn’t you tell me what happened to him?’
‘Why do you think?’
I’m at a loss. I told him all about Hugo. I think of what I omitted from my story. I left out how bad my breakdowns were. Mum warned me about withholding that from Zach, but I told her not to worry because I’d never end up like that again. ‘I think it’s painful and sometimes we don’t want to confront things that hurt so much to talk about.’ I wish I didn’t sound like our ex-grief counsellor but I don’t know how to handle this.
‘Exactly. I hid in that wreck of a wooden house in the park because my brother said they were coming, that they were going to hurt him. I didn’t even know who they were. I…’ I hear the pain in his voice. ‘The kids came for him and one stabbed him. They were never found. I miss Justin.’ He paused. ‘The other day, Dad and I visited his grave. We said a few words, had a drink and I went back to work the next day.’
‘I could have come with you.’ I know what it is like to feel alone in grief.
‘I needed to do this with Dad, just the two of us.’
It feels wrong to ask about Nicole now but I have to. ‘I was speaking to Nicole and she told me you met at the pub, that you were on the pool team and you told her about Justin.’ The silence is deafening. ‘Zach?’
‘What are you trying to say, Eva?’
‘You never told me that you talked to her about Justin and how he had died. I had to find out from some old newspaper articles in your office. You’ve never taken me to that pub or mentioned your friends, or mentioned chatting away to Nicole about things you haven’t even opened up to me about. I’m your wife. I feel like there’s another side to you, one I don’t know.’
‘If you believe what you’re insinuating, you don’t know me at all. Are you asking me if I was sleeping with Nicole?’
I can’t deny it but I don’t want to say yes, so I remain silent and hope he’ll continue talking.
‘Why would I risk everything for a fling? I spoke to her like I spoke to the rest of the regulars. I didn’t single her out and yes, I think I drank too much one night and I mentioned Justin to a few people. Mostly, I was drunk and missing you. That was all. I hadn’t seen her or the others for a while until I booked her to do the gardening work for us. While she was doing the work, I saw her rummaging through my desk drawer and then you invited her over for a drink. I will say one thing: I don’t trust her one bit. I thought I did, she seemed nice enough, but there’s something… I don’t know… Maybe you should try to distance yourself from her for a while.’
‘I agree.’ What Zach is saying makes sense. I think Nicole saying not to trust him when she drunk-called me was to make trouble, but then again, I don’t like being told who I can meet up with by my husband. I’m not happy with either of them at the moment. I’ve readily let Nicole into my life. I’ve trusted her with my son and I’ve looked after Aaron. I’ve been a good friend to her. Now I have to consider that she’s trying to drive a wedge between me and Zach, and I don’t know why. ‘Mum and I had Aaron staying over for a few days, while she went to sort out some problems with her ex. She didn’t live at the address I had for her. After speaking with her father, I realise I know nothing about her.’ I go to tell Zach about Theo and about me sneaking into his annexe but I stop. I’ve already piled too much on him and I think I trust what he’s told me.
